Get in on the plan to make best of summer

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This article was published 24/04/2022 (1579 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband just slapped down money to rent a cottage for our family this July without even consulting me. It’s at his favourite lake, not mine. It’s an OK spot, but it’s where his old drinking buddies and their poor wives go.

When consulted in the past, I’ve always put the kibosh on that place, because he reverts to his old ways when he’s with those friends from college. Instead, we go to a lake with my relatives — the ones he likes, not the ones he can’t stand. I thought that was a good compromise.

He was all excited when he got home, and went ahead and told our young kids about the new plan, the big cottage with boat rental, too. They’re all for it! He also paid the cottage rental agent in advance and up-front. I’ve got to hand it to him, he out-manoeuvred me this year.

He knows I’m mad, because I haven’t said much of about it and I’m usually a talker. I don’t know how to handle this. Can you help?

— Outsmarted? River Heights

Dear Outsmarted: Fair is fair. This year it’s time for you to accept a new situation and be gracious about it. In recent years, summer holidays have always been about where you preferred to go, and you ended up with your own clan.

He has turned that plan around this year, but you can make it work for everybody.

This holiday hasn’t cost you any money so far, so look into hiring some babysitting help in the area to help out. That’s not so you can leave the children alone with the sitter by the water — too dangerous. It’s so you have someone to help with the cabin work and the kids, so you can have a good time as well.

Rainy days at the lake can be endless if you don’t research the area and have alternate plans. So figure out some interesting options in the area, and on those days, your husband may want to participate.

As for drinking with his buddies at the lake, you don’t have to participate, but be cheerful about refusing. Say to him: “Sorry, I’ve got a big, fun day planned with the kids tomorrow, and have to get some sleep.”

After a number of sessions his buddies’ wives will be sick of his coming over without you to drink all night. It’ll be interesting to see how that plays out!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I sadly lost the baby I conceived with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up several months later, and it was my decision.

I bumped into him this weekend and he was with a girl who used to be my close friend when I was pregnant. She looked very uncomfortable when I saw them, holding hands and walking together in the mall. I was so startled I burst out, “Imagine seeing you two together!”

How long has this been going on, I’d like to know? Did she offer her encouraging advice when I wanted to break up with him so she could get him herself? I know I don’t have rights to him, but she used to say to me all the time: “He doesn’t deserve you!” Please help. I want to do something about this! I can’t stop obsessing on it.

— Double-Crossed by Old Friend, St. Vital

Dear Double-Crossed: You don’t mention why you stopped being friends and how soon after the breakup. Consider phoning your ex-boyfriend and asking him for the story.

Since that “friend” deviously encouraged the breakup, feel free to share her old “He doesn’t deserve you” line. If she chased him, he’ll be glad to tell you that — along with when it started happening.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife’s lacy, black umbrella was returned to her in a cab — I was home alone and answered the door. I found it kind of suspicious. I’ve often felt there was more to her personal life than what she tells me. But then, I do a lot of travelling for work and she doesn’t ask me any questions. I’m grateful for that.

My former wife used to be jealous, and would grill me whenever I returned from a trip. My new lady never says anything besides, “Glad you got home safely, darling.” When I’ve asked her what she did while I was away, she smiles and says, “Oh, the usual — a little of this and a little of that.” Then she initiates lovemaking, and the subject is totally changed.

— Lying by Omission? North Kildonan

Dear Omission: Does it really matter? You may have found someone who’s more like you — a bit of a mystery, maybe not entirely truthful. Perhaps you are both protecting the other from information that might be hurtful. Think hard before your stir this up!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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