House-sitter’s pool party sure to blight friendship

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/07/2022 (1171 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my husband and I go to our cabin in Ontario, it’s for eight whole weeks, so we need a city house-sitter we can trust. One of our friends looks after our home and pool, and we pay her generously for her time. We encourage her to use the pool, and we’ve never had a problem — until now.

We came into the city unexpectedly last week, and decided to stop by our house on the way back to the cabin. When we arrived home, we noticed a few cars in our driveway. The front door was open, and it was obvious our friend was having a pool party. There were people in our kitchen making drinks, and others swimming and having a high time in the pool. My husband looked at a guy holding a big beach ball, and said sarcastically, “Come here often?”

I was in shock! What was my friend thinking having these people over? My husband yelled at her friends in the pool and house, “This is my house and you have five minutes to get out!” My friend said nothing to apologize and left with the crowd. Nothing was stolen but guests had been changing in our rooms — people who were strangers to us.

Now I’ve received an email from this “friend” saying she was “treated like a child” and that my husband “lost his mind” over her having a few close friends come by. She said our friendship was now “forever damaged.” Does she not feel she did anything wrong? What should I do now, if anything?

— Shocked Former Friend, west Winnipeg

Dear Shocked: This friend/house-sitter was told she could use the pool, but you did not say “Feel to throw a pool party!” Had she invited her own partner or one friend over, it would have been different, but this was a full-on party.

If you do respond, say the situation was a grave disappointment, but it’s over now. In other words, the fight is over and you want peace, but it’s not the same level of friendship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has a high-stress job and he often comes home from work tired and cranky. I know we’re always a little tight for money with me a stay-at-home mom. But, when we go to our beautiful lake for our three-week summer holiday, he relaxes and he’s a sweetheart to me and the kids.

He takes us everywhere and plays in the water with the children and teaches them how to swim. At night we make love, with the moon shining in the window. As usual, I fall in love with him all over again every summer, and it’s happening again.

But this year, it’s different. Somehow, I don’t think I can stand it if he turns back into the tense businessman who ignores me and the kids. How can I tell him I’m at the end of my patience living like this, and feeling so lonely?

— Bittersweet Summer, Lake Winnipeg

Dear Bittersweet: Enjoy this summer, telling your husband frequently how much you love relaxing with him and the kids. Also consider easing the family’s financial burden by working part-time, possibly from home. That might help reduce your man’s tension, and make you two feel like more of a team.

Could you possibly take some weekend trips throughout the year, using some of the money you earn? You really need a social life together, with regular infusions of the good feeling you get when you’re at the lake, to make your marriage enjoyable year round.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.