Mate’s heart sadly set on someone far away

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I wanted to marry my boyfriend quickly because I thought I was pregnant. Then I got tested, and I wasn’t. My boyfriend was too relieved. He muttered that he could finally tell somebody back home that he was free.

I said, “And who is that?” He said quietly, “A girl I once knew.” Then everything blew up. It turns out his immigrant family is planning to bring over their best friends from their country of origin soon — a big crew, including a woman the exact age of my boyfriend. They were childhood playmates.

Right. Now I suspect they were much more than that — possibly even destined for an arranged marriage. How am I supposed to deal with this? I feel so upset. I was almost pregnant by this guy I thought I loved so much.

— Feeling Devastated, East Kildonan

Dear Devastated: Sadly, it seems this young man is not deeply in love with you, even though you’ve had sex and thought you might be pregnant.

You need to say goodbye to him now, as it seems he still has his heart tied up with this woman from the old country. Their feelings may have grown and matured across distance, especially if they’ve been communicating regularly online and by phone.

Consider speaking to a counsellor to help you move past all this. It may be common for close families in your boyfriend’s culture to form alliances for strength and creating wealth. In this case, there may have been an old arrangement for marriage between the two families’ children that could not come to fruition when the two clans ended up thousands of kilometres apart.

Frankly, it sounds like your boyfriend is still carrying a torch for this woman — and if he has his way, they will be together again. You might have been considered second-best in his heart, even if you married him — so you may be dodging future heartache here.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My older, middle-aged artistic husband has a day job, but loves the bars and works up sketches and cartoons in them quite often. I trust my man, but other people not so much — especially young men and older women. Now what? How do I compete?

— Wife of Gorgeous Silver Fox, St. Boniface

Dear Wife of Fox: Go out with your husband and share his enjoyment of the bar scene where he practises his art. Don’t hang on him, but do keep your eyes open. Only show your fangs when absolutely necessary.

Other women will soon read you as someone not to mess with where your man is involved, but if you handle it well, they will come to like you, too. It just won’t happen right away.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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