Doing ballet in the jungle

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/01/2016 (3546 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just found out for sure I’m bisexual. Why? I love my new boyfriend, and I also love my girlfriend. I am a guy in my early 20s and have lots of energy for both. I didn’t think I’d get caught. It only took one month, and it happened because they both wear colognes and could tell someone else was involved with me.

I thought they would both dump me on the spot, but my girlfriend found out first, and she wanted to meet him. He doesn’t want to meet her because he’s gay and doesn’t go for women at all. My girlfriend is raring to go with both of us, as she’s bisexual, and I have always known that. She thinks we would all be hot together.

He’s a very good-looking man with a great sense of humour. I think she would like him if she met him, but he wouldn’t want her. It’s not like he doesn’t see other men, but he and I are special to each other and we knew it instantly. It’s emotional as well as sexual.

I don’t want to lose either of them, and in the end, I might lose both. I love him in a much more passionate way than her. You know what they say about the difference between a man having sex with a woman and sex with a man — ballet partners versus jungle animals. But with he and I, it’s jungle and much more. What should I do?

— Mixed-Up Guy, Downtown

Dear Mixed-Up Guy: It looks like you have a choice of sorts. You can give up the woman and see the man you’re so passionate about as long as he gives up his other male partners. Does he care enough about you as a person to be monogamous? Is he not worried you will also want a woman in your life at some point? You two really need to talk openly about all this. Or, you can stay with your girlfriend and share her with the occasional woman — maybe have a threesome here and there, if they want you. (Lots of bisexual women don’t ever want a man in the mix.)

It all boils down to commitment and giving things up. To be together in love with this man, you may have to give up casual sex with women and he may have to give up casual sex with other men. You say you’re also in love with this woman, but I wouldn’t bet on it. She sounds like a close sex buddy and companion.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography