She doesn’t trust you because of past bad behaviour

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/01/2016 (3921 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently started talking with my ex-girlfriend. She was the love of my life. We broke up years ago because I was a bad boyfriend. I would do whatever it takes to have her back and in my arms. She has a boyfriend of six months, but we kissed and had intercourse a few times. I believe she is my soulmate. I know she has never stopped loving me. She told me that, but recently has stopped talking to me, due to her boyfriend. I’m ready to be the man she has always wanted me to be. I’m so in love, it breaks me up to know she is with him, but I have to respect her wishes. I only want her. What do I do?

— Former Bad Boyfriend, Manitoba

Dear Former Bad Boyfriend: She will be wondering what happens if you get her back and feel secure about it, and then figure you can sneak in the odd cheat night here and there under the heading, “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Whether that’s true or not, you broke her heart with your bad behaviour. She may love you, but she doesn’t trust you — or maybe she just likes the sex with you and only wants a little of that action. Besides, it’s nice to see you grovel after the pain you caused her.

Your only hope is to ask her outright what you would have to do to prove you would be trustworthy forever in a new relationship. She might say “Nothing!” or she might have an idea.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This poor, lonely guy (Confused and Lonely) who wrote you recently sounds so nice. He sounds financially responsible, he reads books, enjoys people and seems like a hard worker. Plus, he’s a great communicator — a skill few people have. I have one of those seasonal affective disorder light boxes — the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba rents them. It’s nice on dark days in the winter, but this poor fella really needs a massage!

I’m not a massage therapist or connected with the industry, just an advocate. A massage will provide the touch he needs and there are so many great places to choose from. I’ve been getting massage therapy for years. I’m a bit of a loner myself (and I love it). Massage provides the human touch everyone needs if you don’t have someone in your life to provide it.

If he does have people in his life already, he might make a better effort to reach out to his friends and family. Also, while going to the doctor is never wrong, he could probably address his loneliness just by not being at home alone. Here’s my ideas: ​1. Volunteer at Siloam Mission. You don’t need to be religious and they’re very nice people. 2. Spend time outside. The bright light and the cold are invigorating. 3. Exercise intensely and often; it really helps. 4. Avoid booze, pot and junk food — they are not helpful to how you feel. 5. Go to the library or a coffee shop to read. 6. Take a course in something (many are inexpensive).

I sincerely hope this person finds some relief. Most of the people who write to you sound like selfish idiots who deserve their problems (not at all judgemental, I know, ha) but this guy sounds so nice and normal. I hope he finds the people he needs.

— Lady Loner, Winnipeg

Dear Lady Loner: Thanks for taking the time to write in and help this nice man. Too bad I can’t introduce you, but I can’t do that for anyone for security reasons.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography