Stop regretting the past, get help to deal with the present

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This article was published 20/01/2016 (3910 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Readers: Sometimes I get letters that tear at the soul. This one is from a person who is depressed and regretful she hasn’t gotten the most out of life, given enough to the people and canines in her life and was often in the downward spiral of depression.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hid with my beloved dogs, when I should have lived with my beloved dogs. I have spent the last 30 years in a haze of depression, despair and sadness. I let the horrible things inside my head ruin our life. I have done horrible things I normally wouldn’t have done under the guise of delusions.

I finally fell back into reality when my sweet dog was near the end of her life a few years ago. How could I not have seen the life we could have lived? I am consumed with guilt, regret, shame and despair. Most days I wish I would have gone with her. I miss my beloved dogs. I miss the person I should have been. I don’t know what to do. I will never forgive myself. I have ruined, and continue to ruin, everything in my path. I cry so much sometimes I shake. How do I finally let go of these demons? I want to make it up to both my human and canine families?

— Wouldn’t Wish Depression on Anyone, Manitoba

Dear Wouldn’t Wish Depression on Anyone: Yes, you have a sickness and have done things you’re not proud of, but you still have from this day forward to live differently if you reach out for help, like you did in writing me. Hours spent looking back and regretting are not going to help you, and you sound very anxious. You need to take the brave step of going after counselling help, even if it’s for the umpteenth time. You need extra help now.

The hardest part is the first step — making the call to your doctor to say you’ve hit the bottom again, or contacting the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba (204-787-0897) at 4 Fort St. They have daily programs, support groups and are very kind in helping people find what’s right for them. You need to get into a system of help, and you need human contact. The MDAM offers support meetings and much more every day.

The Winnipeg Regional Health Authority has a central intake for people with mental-health issues. Their number is 204-788-8330 and they can help with access to community mental health workers and counselling services. The mobile crisis service number is 204-940-1781. It is also possible to go right in to the Crisis Response Centre at 817 Bannatyne Ave.

The past is the past, so there’s little you can do about it except apologize to those you have hurt, but not over and over again, which makes people uncomfortable. If you still have a dog, you should be outside in a nearby dog park to be around like-minded people where you can chat about dogs; or you don’t have to talk to them, and just wander off with your dog. The outdoor light and snow will be good for your mood.

Are you taking medication — perhaps too little or too much? Medications are not always the answer, but they can certainly be a help. Even if you’re taking anti-depressants, you might need an adjustment, or different pills may be clashing with each other. Talk to your pharmacist about your medications as they often know more about complicated interactions than doctors so. Then speak with your doctor again.

Do you have a computer? You wrote me on paper. If you can afford to get a second-hand computer and get a friend or family member to teach you how to use it, it is great company, has great resources and goes 24 hours a day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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