Is confessing to affair simply revenge?

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/04/2016 (3510 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went on a late sunspot holiday, and no one else wanted to go at that time so I went alone. I am not a single woman, but decided I was going to act like one. I suspected my husband, who has been known to mess around, was acting single at home, so I left my rings in my purse.

I arrived at my favourite Mexican resort feeling alone and shy, but because I had been studying Spanish over the winter, I was able to talk to the locals. The manager of the resort next door took quite a liking to me, and we ended up eating late dinners together after he was off-shift. One thing led to another and I enjoyed the most romantic vacation of my life with this man, who is also married. I know I did a bad thing, but since my husband has hurt me with affairs in the past, do I owe him a confession?

— Not Very Sorry, Winnipeg

Dear Not Very Sorry: What would be your reasons for confessing? Do you want to hurt him back, or do you have feelings of guilt that are bothering you? In the past, you have put up with your husband’s cheating ways. If we are simply talking about a scoreboard, you might want to chalk one up, but be aware of this: some cheating partners cannot bear the thought of being cheated on even once, and will be gone in an instant.

Why have you stayed so long with a man who repeatedly cheats on you? Is it fear of being alone, or are you still deeply in love with him? Not all loves are equal. If you want to hold onto this marriage (for whatever reasons) it would be better to keep this secret and just let your husband wonder. Bringing up this topic could spell the end, but perhaps that’s what you secretly want. You need to decide for sure if you want to open up this can of worms.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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