Playing the field will be hard this summer

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/04/2016 (3507 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a 75-year-old man and my plumbing works just fine. I have my own house and lots of privacy. When the snow goes, two widows who live out of town come to the city to see me. I had quite a thing going last year with three different women who stopped by on appointed days only. I’d tell them stories about how busy I was with my hobbies and clubs, and there was only time to see them on a certain day every few weeks.

This worked perfectly last year. Now I have a girlfriend living next door. I met her in the fall and shovelled her walk after the first snowfall. She invited me over for dinner and we got into it hot and heavy. Now she thinks we’re serious. But I’ve had two calls in the last week from the ladies who live further away and are used to making visits in the summer to my house and cabin.

I realize I’m not as into the woman next door as she thinks I am. I intend to get together with the woman who lives near my cabin this weekend. The woman who lives south of the city dropped in unannounced with my favourite brownies today and I let her stay for some playtime. Luckily the woman next door was away visiting her daughter.

You see the problem I have. The only woman I’ll ever love was my wife, but she passed away. Who can I afford to keep and who must I throw away? I’m not an old coot, but I am an old hippie and I don’t intend to spend my last 10 years with just one woman. What is your advice?

— Viagra Free, Wolseley

Dear Viagra Free: I’m guessing your theme song is Love the One You’re With. The most dangerous person to your multi-girlfriend scheme this season is the one living right next door. She’s the only one you can afford to have visit your house now. As for the rest, you’re going to have to make house calls. I’m guessing that pregnancy is not an issue (unless you’re seeing a younger woman), but you must tell the rest of your harem you are not being monogamous this year, because older sexually active people are unwittingly catching sexually transmitted infections at an alarming rate.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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