Rent a cabin near wife to visit your children

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/06/2016 (3443 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m absolutely livid! While I was away on an important business trip, my wife took our two little kids and moved into her parents house in a small town out in the country. She is still angry over an affair I had for eight months, but it already ended completely. She is not lily white herself. She had a relationship with a man as soon as she found out about my woman. She told me the “friend” was gay, and yet when I accused her and threatened divorce, they quickly broke up. Two months later, I found out this “gay” guy was dating a woman.

I don’t love my wife much anymore, but I love the kids and she is a good mom and I appreciate that. The trouble is I can’t go running out there to a hostile household (towards me) and visit my kids, driving two hours there and back, several times a week. She said, “What do you care when you’re out of the country weeks at a time on so-called business trips?” I care a lot. I always missed those kids when I was away working, and I used to miss her. Yes, I accidentally got involved with a woman and we did have a “thing” for a few months, but it was not a love affair. I loved my wife even though I could hardly trust her in Winnipeg with her fake gay partner. She needs to move her butt back to the city. She can have her damn divorce and half the money, but I want easy access to my kids. They love me!

— Angry Father, Winnipeg

Dear Angry Father: You and your estranged wife don’t seem like a match anymore, but stranger things have happened. You both exited the marriage over the previous year, emotionally and/or physically. Your iron-clad excuse for the exits was your work trips, and her response was a new guy in her life — friend, lover, whatever.

Now she has moved to the country and it sounds like she and the kids have unpacked their suitcases for a good long time. Maybe it will only last the summer and she’ll get tired of her parents and miss the city. But you’re less than smart if you demand she move back now. Demanding just doesn’t work from a man in your position who had a full-fledged affair. To be fair, her recent friendship with a “gay” friend could have been a lie. It’s the oldest ruse in the book.

So, consider the good of your children. If you’ve been a good dad, they’ll be suffering too. Don’t punish them by abandoning them. First, make a weekend trip and stay at a local hotel, or even rent a cabin in the area for the summer and take several holidays there. Leave the kids with their grandparents while you have some private talks with your wife. Could counselling help to come to a reasonable settlement, or even a reconciliation? Do you want that result? Does she? Make it a goal to come to a resolution by the end of the summer. Just don’t lose touch with your kids, whatever you do in the end. They need a dad who loves them, and is available to them regularly.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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