Feel good about helping someone and move on

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This article was published 15/06/2016 (3742 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found a young woman’s purse with ID, money and baby pictures in it and gave it back to her. She didn’t even give me a reward. I didn’t stick my hand out and ask for a reward, but where I come from in Ontario, it is the custom to offer a reward of even $5. She had $100 in $20s in her purse and she could have given me one! I think she was rude. If I had kept the purse instead of giving it back, I could have had $100 instead of nothing. What do you think?

— Got the Short End, West End

Dear Short End: If you come at it from the idea that it wasn’t in any way your possession, then the lady deserves her purse back with her money in it. Maybe she needed that money very badly, or maybe she didn’t. So I think this: if a reward is offered to you, that’s great; if it isn’t, that’s OK, too. You did a good thing. You never know what the experience of that young woman is. She may be desperate to get every cent of her money back to pay for food for her babies.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just read the request from the country girl who wants to feel like she’s living in a close community here in the city. I’m from a small town too, and I know you have to set yourself up for that lifestyle. We are fortunate we have that here in Winnipeg, but we took the steps to make it that way.

When new people move in, within a day or two we take over some kind of food and say welcome. We also acknowledge people on the street every single day with a “hi” or a comment. Essentially you are building your own small town, and over time we have built that. Our kids run around the block with the neighbours, sleepovers are frequent and we have drinks together in the front yard, backyard or in each other’s homes. We borrow sugar, eggs, food colouring and whatever else we may have run out of or need. You can build your own community here in the city too!

— Been There, Done That, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: I must confess the first time I had a block party I was newly single again and did it because I was so suspicious, I wanted to see where the weirdos lived so I could protect my little children. The whole block turned out to be filled with nice people, and I felt ashamed after it was over. I threw another one a year later and was totally relaxed. By this time we knew people up and down both sides of the street and tons of people came. The city let us block it off and the kids rode bikes everywhere.

I think your welcome wagon gift of food is lovely — who doesn’t want something good to eat. And from new neighbours? Even better. I once lost my cat and met people on both sides of the back lanes, too, calling and knocking for that kitty. We found him stuck in the apartment radiator enclosure a floor down, too fat to back out and too scared to show himself. A neighbour helped cut him out with a saw.

It’s nice to ask service people their first names in the stores you frequent often, and compliment people on their gardens in the summer. If you’re going to join a place of worship, make it close to your house so you meet those neighbours. Ditto for yoga, exercise and beauty services, mechanics and food stores in a 10-block circle around you. Make it a game to see how many people you can support in the area. Drive around frequently and see who else you can add to your collection of known community people and resources.

 You can use any excuse to be friendly and say hello! Believe me, other city folk are lonely too and enjoy meeting people. There are a few city folk who guard their privacy as though they actually did anything worth gossiping about. Just let them be after two tries and a frosty reception.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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