Stranger danger hits too close to home

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This article was published 28/11/2016 (3594 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I invited a man from the bar back to my apartment and it’s a good thing I told him my male roommate was sleeping in another bedroom, because this guy was a maniac and wanted to do creepy things to me. I told him to get out, and he said, “I’ll go when I’m good and ready.” I knew my roommate wasn’t really home, but I rapped on the wall and yelled at him to get up and help me get this guy out. The creep bought my ruse and pulled on his pants and shoes and took off with his shirt and jacket in one hand.

I have always believed in the goodness of people, and this guy was so nice and charming at the bar and bought me a lot of drinks and then a burger on the way to my place. But he wasn’t so nice when we got there. My roommate read me the riot act when he got home and I was still crying. So, when is the right time to bring a nice guy home from the bar?

— Made a Mistake, 19, Winnipeg

Dear Made a Mistake: You don’t bring strangers who act nice home from the bar, period. Of course they’re acting nice because they want you to trust them, and a bad guy needs your initial trust even more than a nice guy. He was also plying you with liquor all night.

The safe order of things at the bar is this: you meet a guy, enjoy his company, get his contact information and give away nothing but your name and email. Then you might meet him on a different day or night for a pizza or coffee and dessert and talk at length and find out what he’s all about. You also check online and around this small town’s grapevine to find out about him. The last thing any smart woman does is ask a stranger over to her place after getting drunk with him at the bar.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think the woman who wrote regarding her ex who’s suddenly dating a co-worker of hers (A Bigger Blow Up Coming) missed a chance. I think a better reply when the woman at work announced the news to her, would have been a casual, off-hand “Good luck.” End of conversation.

If her co-worker wanted to rub it in, this would have thwarted her. Now the co-worker knows she hit a nerve. If the writer really doesn’t want the jerk back, then she should stop acting like she does. Grow up, act cool and stop this behaviour in the office.

— Just Call Me C, Winnipeg

Dear Just Call Me C: What is needed in that office is damage control. It is too late for coulda-woulda-shoulda. I agree “Good luck” would have been a nice, cool thing to say, but it wasn’t possible when her explosive emotions were boiling over already: remember, she blew up at the woman rubbing it in, and swore at her, which is very bad office behaviour, and then ran scared to the human resources person to confess. The two women need to go to the HR office and get a stern reality check, and I’m sure they have had it by now. Hopefully they can work out a civil resolution, with a referee in the room.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young guy with a big build, lots of facial hair and an older look, and have been able to get into a lot of places with fake ID. Recently, I got into some gambling and I made a lot of money one night. I lost it again during that week. Now all I think about is winning that money back. I love the feeling when I’m gambling and I love the thrill of seeing what comes up. My dad was a gambler, but he’s gone now. I wonder if I have the personality to get a gambling addiction like his. What do you think?

— A Bit Worried, Winnipeg

Dear A Bit Worried: It’s too bad you won enough money to get really excited about gambling, and at such a young age. Are we talking about VLTs, the games at a casino, private parties with friends or strangers who play regularly? You’re better off to lose your shirt at a machine than at a party where you might owe some guy a lot of money, and he could come after you for the money or for revenge, if you don’t cough it up.

Call Gamblers Anonymous (204-582-4823) and make an appointment to talk to a counsellor. They may be able to save you from falling into a deep, black gambling pit. You are young and can have a long happy life if you play your cards right and don’t gamble at all.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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