Old flame wants to spark things up again

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/11/2016 (3593 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: More than 30 years ago, I gave my then-boyfriend (and love of my life) an ultimatum — either choose me or the other person he was also seeing. I was devastated when he chose her. Long story short, he married her, and I went on to marry someone else. I’ve had a good life with a good man and great children and haven’t seen the other man since we broke up. Then, out of the blue, he contacted me through Facebook.

He said he thought of me often throughout the years and realized he made a huge mistake in choosing someone else over me — that I was the love of his life. I have never cheated on my husband, but this is different. This guy will always be the love of my life. We met and the sparks flew.

I have no intention of leaving my husband and the other man can’t leave his wife (for a variety of reasons including her ill health and finances). He doesn’t really care if we have any type of sexual relationship, he just wants to be with me, and I admit that the attention is flattering. Is it really cheating if we don’t have sex?

— Old Flame, Manitoba

Dear Old Flame: This is not your prince, and never has been. He’s a toad and you’re talking about having an emotional affair with him. He didn’t feel you were the love of his life when the woman who became his wife was well.

He wasn’t even being true to you when you dated him; in fact, he was happily seeing two women at the time until you gave him the ultimatum. Now the woman he chose above you is unwell and may not be as much fun anymore. Why would you want this kind of man?

As for your husband, the friendship/affair would hurt him badly, sex or no sex. Turn it around. How would you feel if your husband met up with his old flame when you were sick and wanted to start having contact with her, even if they didn’t actually have sex?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in high school and have a crazy crush on a teacher that everybody teases me about. I guess I’m not very subtle about it. I even heard that teacher knows, but he doesn’t make anything of it or treat me any differently than any of the other girls. I’m not the only one who has a crush on him. He’s young, good-looking and the best teacher! Is it wrong to have these these feelings?

— Lost My Brains Over Him, Winnipeg

Dear Lost My Brains Over Him: It’s not right or wrong, but it can be dangerous. It’s not a danger to the student, unless she’s so ga-ga she lets her grades slip, but if you’re blatant about your romantic feelings and rumours fly, he may be called into the principal and/or the superintendent’s office. You never know what other kids will say, and if there are a number of girls crushing on this poor guy, there could be escalating stories flying round that aren’t true and will get your teacher in trouble.

So, if you really care about this teacher and his new profession, give him a break. Keep your crush to yourself as much as possible and work hard to deserve high marks.

Though he will not be romantic with you, he will notice and admire your performance as a smart young lady and bright student.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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