Don’t let unemployed guy sponge off you

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This article was published 03/12/2016 (3589 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a very nice man who is cute, hot and funny, but he’s almost 30 and has no job. We are crazy about each other. He’s been living in his mom’s basement. He hinted this weekend that he could make my financial load lighter by moving in with me. Right. I don’t want an unemployed guy moving in with me and giving me half of his E.I. cheque.

He says he’s sure he’ll get a job sooner rather than later, but I don’t see him putting out a supreme effort. I can call him pretty much any time of day and he’s at home on his computer. He says that’s the way people make contacts and send resumés to get jobs, but I also know he spends a lot of his time playing games with friends who are mostly musicians.

But still, he and I get along like wildfire! Should I believe in his basic goodness and attentions and let him move in? Our nights together are out of this world, but always at my place, eating and drinking out of my fridge. — Working Nine to Five, Transcona

Dear Working Nine to Five: Freddie the Freeloader wants to move in. He’s got a lot of nerve looking to move into your place, since you only recently met him and he’s out of work. He doesn’t have the money to share your lifestyle, so it will fall to you in the end. The situation won’t be conducive to respect or romance, as his charm won’t pay the bills. So, if you must, enjoy the sex and fun, but tell him cheerfully you can’t afford to get serious and live with anyone who doesn’t have a job.

Most guys his age, with pride and a sense of fairness, wouldn’t feel right moving in. They would redouble their efforts to find a full-time job or two part-time jobs and get working and independent again. Don’t ever take in anybody of either sex who is looking for you to pay their half. When this infatuation cools off, get yourself free. By then you’ll be wanting a grown-up guy you really love who can pay his own way.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been crying off and on for the past two weeks. My boyfriend (we’re gay) wants to break up with me again, but has agreed to wait until after Christmas Day. I just can’t stand to go through another Christmas alone! Last year, he broke up with me in late November, too. I went through hell for three months and then we got back together in March.

Christmas was lonely and wretched without him. I was too sick at heart to attend the parties and family gatherings, but now it’s wretched with him because he’s sulking and wants to be free. We don’t live together. The thing is, he doesn’t seem to want to be seen with me because I think he has his eye on somebody else already. Please suggest something. I am going crazy. — Pre-Christmas Nightmare, Osborne Village

Dear Pre-Christmas Nightmare: Emotionally, this guy has given you the heads up that he will only be your boyfriend for another few weeks. You think you need this deal and you’ve taken the concession. Since acting like nothing is wrong will be the scenario over the next month, be that guy who is fun at Christmas. Start organizing some holiday get-togethers such as drinks and dinners with mutual friends, and maybe plan at a party at your place for Dec. 24 or 25. Bake cookies now and the house will always smell good. Get Christmas dinner arranged with your friend, relatives or pals who are Christmas “orphans” with no one in town. Also decorate your place ASAP with a tree and some gifts.

During all this holiday socializing, keep your eyes peeled, thinking, “Next?” Dress up and go to parties with or without him. Invest strongly in showing love to your true friends and family. Also, research a holiday or a gay-friendly cruise for the new year by yourself, or with some friends. In other words, start looking over his head as you go through the month preparing to be single. Not “boo-hoo alone single,” but instead “happy to be free single.” There’s a big difference! This guy you’re with now is not the one; he’s proven it twice, so he’s a big waste of time. Consider gifting yourself with some counselling, so you can truly get this guy out of your heart.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On a dare last summer I ate some minnows. I was fine until these older guys showed up, then I threw it all up. I ran to the walk-in clinic a few blocks over, finally realized I wasn’t going to die and left before I saw the doctor. My problem is I’m young for my grade and am always trying to impress older kids. I’m no good at sports. What should I do? — Big Loser, Winnipeg

Dear Big Loser: There’s a difference between impressing people and making them laugh at you. When you grandstand like this, you’ll get their attention all right, but that doesn’t mean they want to be around you after. The best way to get attention is to excel at something. If it can’t be sports, let it be music, comedy, theatre or science — anything you are good at will bring praise and attention your way, and like-minded new friends.

And how about being happy hanging out with kids your own age instead of trying to win the attention of older guys? Kids are age snobs from the time they’re holding their fingers up, telling each other how old they are in nursery school. Stop thinking older is better; relax and look for something you really enjoy and put a lot of time into it to excel!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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