No need to get into details about losing your virginity

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 01/12/2016 (3592 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 17. He really wants to have sex. He thinks I’m a virgin and wants to introduce me to sex. I don’t know how to tell him it already happened with my previous boyfriend, who was older than me. He taught me a lot and I’m kind of experienced. My new boyfriend might have had sex once or twice from what I can figure out. Should I play along with him or pretend I don’t know anything? — Already Know What I’m Doing, Winnipeg

Dear Already Know What I’m Doing: A woman doesn’t have to confess details about past loves, so don’t say anything, although if you’re asked directly, don’t lie. Nobody of any age wants to hear, “So-and-so and I used to do it like this.” You might put his hand on certain places and tell him how wonderful it feels. Just be subtle about it, and enjoy discovering each other together.

The one thing you should be clear about ahead of time is the combination of birth-control methods you will use. You need a condom as a barrier to disease, along with a pill or IUD to prevent pregnancy. Be aware condoms can slip off and then you have nothing protecting you, if that’s all you used.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has too many dogs and I am trying to get rid of them. I told her and told her, and she didn’t listen. I found a guy with a farm who said he could do with some new dogs in the yard to keep away intruders. I told her I was taking two of them out there so she could chose which two and keep one.

She grabbed a sleeping bag, thew it out toward the truck and said, “There! That’s where you live now. Now you’re a yard dog. See how you like the winter!” and she pushed me out the door. She’s a big, strong woman and I’m a smaller-built guy. I landed on my butt and was so mad I called her some filthy names (which she deserved).

I got in and drove away. Now I’m staying at my buddy’s house, but he says he’s getting sick of me, even though I’m at work and the bar every day and half the night. My wife says she’s not letting me back in until I get my head examined. I’m not going to no shrink. I’ll let her keep the damn dogs, but I want back in my house. She won’t listen. Can you help me deal with this stubborn mule of a woman? She says she hates me, but that means she still loves me, right? — Kicked Out of My Own House, St. Vital

Dear Kicked Out: Sometimes “I hate you” means exactly that, especially if you have threatened the animals a woman loves and who love her. Face facts, buddy, you’re out. You need to see a lawyer and rent a place to live. When she said “get your head examined,” she meant she doesn’t like your personality the way it is. You don’t want to make any changes; you’ve said that quite clearly. You’ll “let” her keep the dogs now? That’s cold comfort. She needs to find a man who loves her and her furry friends.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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