Friend’s brother too much of a bother

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This article was published 05/12/2016 (3283 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a woman at a market in the summer and we became friends. We are both female. We sat next to each other on a bench, had a conversation and that’s how we met. But now, she’s trying to push her single brother on me. He’s good looking, but not my type. I don’t want him chasing after me, but he looks at me as a challenge. I laugh when he throws his big hints, but I have no intention of going out with him.

The other day, my friend invited me to dinner at her house and there he was again. That’s three times in a row. I was really annoyed. When he finally left, I confronted my friend about the matchmaking and she said, “It would be perfect. We could be sisters.” I said a little too loudly, “I’m never marrying that brother of yours, so get him out of my face or we can’t be friends anymore.” I haven’t heard from her since. I think I was a little too harsh. What should I do?

— Missing Her, West End

Dear Missing Her: Phone and apologize for being so harsh. Tell her you don’t want to lose her as a friend and you just need her to stop pushing the brother thing. No doubt she’s hurt and embarrassed, but she probably misses your friendship too. You have made your point and she’s not going to forget it, but it would be a shame to lose such a good friendship. Call her right away and apologize for raising your voice on this issue and invite her out for something you used to do, such as coffee and dessert or a movie. It is important to add the activity to the apology so you don’t just hang up awkwardly.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Something is alarming me about my youngest son. He is starting to act like his father, which is not a good thing. My ex-husband (his dad) is an immature guy who pouts and gives you the silent treatment to get his way. He just sits and stares at you with an angry look. That used to work with me from his father, but I became allergic to it. Sulking just makes me extremely angry now.

I don’t know how to deal with this except to yell, “Stop sulking” or, “Sulking won’t get you anywhere with me.” He just goes completely silent for hours on end. What do you suggest? He is 13 and now his teacher has complained to me of his sulking.

— Can’t Stand Sulking, Winnipeg

Dear Can’t Stand Sulking: You need someone else added to the mix to cause a shift in both of your behaviours. Start with the teacher who complained and make an appointment to see the school guidance counsellor. Go in for a discussion and explain the root of the sulking and silence with your ex, the disaffection caused by it and the divorce. Maybe if your son understands this was a major aspect in the marriage breakup he will want to stop copying this behaviour. A good counsellor can suggest ways to have a discussion that will bring him better results when he runs into a problems with a teacher, parent or (one day) a romantic partner. No child of a divorce wants to set himself on the same path to having his own divorce one day.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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