Give yourself an out when using the L word

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This article was published 06/12/2016 (3587 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think I’m in love, but but don’t know if I should say it to him. I tend to fall fast and hard and have been in love five times in my 24 years, starting in Grade 4. One thing I’ve learned is to keep my mouth shut, but I never know when it’s exactly the right time to come out and say it. How do you tell? — Lovey-Dovey Lady, North Kildonan

Dear Lovey-Dovey Lady: The safest time to first say “I love you” is five seconds after he says it, but if you can’t wait that long you can say something such as, “I think I may be falling in love with you,” which gives you an out if he makes a face or runs for the hills.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a man who is not mine and never will be. He’s the principal of my school and I am a teacher on his staff. If I leave this school, I won’t be able to see his beautiful face every day. I am getting older and he is happily married with children. He is the most wonderful man in the world, but he is never to be mine. I am considered very attractive, but he never looks my way anymore because I think he knows I’m in love with him. I’m 31 and the clock is ticking. Please help. —Unlucky For Life? Winnipeg

Dear Unlucky For Life: You are “unlucky” as long as you stay and torture yourself at this school and can’t switch to a different track where you can find somebody else to love. Each day you are teaching near to this man, you are not able to start down the path to healing yourself and moving on.

Sometimes the geographic cure is the necessary. Have you ever considered teaching in a different country, or in a different province where you have friends and family so you won’t be lonely when you first arrive? Even moving schools within the city would be good. Start researching and making plans now to move away from this problem after this year school year.

Also make an appointment to start counselling so you can understand why you have chosen to stay in this hopeless situation. Are you a victim of the myth about there only being one love for each person in the world? In fact, there are many, and in any country you wish to name.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The other day I slapped my boyfriend lightly on the face when he was being cheeky and he slapped me back even more lightly on my face. We were both shocked. I started crying and asked if it meant we were a violent couple. He said, “No, it just means you can’t get away with slapping me now, or ever again, and we’ll be fine.” I was stunned by his comment. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. What do you think? — Slap Happy Fool? Fort Garry

Dear Slap Happy Fool: You two have worked out a problem: hands are for loving in relationships and there will be no slapping, in seriousness or in fun. Let it go now. The issue is resolved and you two can carry on together. You just came upon a boundary, that’s all.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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