Revenge affair would only hurt the children

Opinion

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This article was published 07/12/2016 (3232 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband thinks different sexual positions are going to make me desire him more, but I tell him it’s his cold and ugly attitude that has to change. Our emotions seem to have drained away for both of us and all that’s left are his grabbing hands twirling my buttons to no effect. He just annoys me when he touches me.

I don’t owe him sex. It wasn’t always like this, but I caught him having an affair with a woman at his work and now his guilt and my anger suck all the emotion out of trying to make love and repair the family. I feel like having an affair myself and he can go back to that stupid woman he was seeing at work, and we can keep on raising our three kids. I even know who I might like to go after for an affair. What do you think?

— Married But No Longer Bonded, Southern Manitoba

Dear Married But No Longer Bonded: What’s the beginning of this story? Why did he drift away from you in the first place? Do you have any idea, or was it just greed on his side? If tit-for-tat is the game you want to play now, you shouldn’t be playing it in front of three kids with hearts that can be harmed for life.

You’re so mad you just want to hurt your husband, show him up and make him feel like the creep you think he is. And who can blame you? But twin affairs don’t work if people are trying to get a relationship back together, they only work if people are open-minded, not too deeply attached and more like friends who share a sporting interest. Hopefully, they don’t have vulnerable children in their home!

You two need counselling, not distraction and more complications. And maybe, you’ll need to be apart in the end.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Annoyed doesn’t begin to express what I feel about my teenagers. My new man and I went away on a one-month holiday and left the kids in charge of the house. I thought they were old enough at 17 and 15 to run a decent house. Young people leave home to go to school and start their own lives at 17 and 18.

My guy and I arrived home and found my mother had moved in during the first week and was cooking and cleaning for these two slugs of mine. They had poker games for money with grandma and other friends joining in. My mom (a gambler) taught them every trick in the book. When I was calling home twice a week from Florida, there was no talk of grandma living there. They were all in on the secret, keeping it from me.

She moved in after the two boys complained to her they were starving. Starving, my foot! I left them with a freezer and fridge full of food and pizzas, and cash for extras. My mom was back in her house 24 hours before our plane touched down. I noticed the house was suspiciously clean. I found out over the course of a week what had been going on by asking the boys’ dumb friends and the neighbours.

— So Mad at My Mother, Winnipeg

Dear So Mad at My Mother: What are you mad about, other than being hoodwinked? You got to leave two teenagers alone, go to another country for a month and have grandma protect the kids and the house from any harm. And let’s face it: it’s cool to have a grandmother who can teach you how to play a good hand of poker.

Yes, somebody should have told you that your mom was there, but they were scared to. On the other hand, you got a lot of free babysitting from your mom, the house was not wrecked by parties and everybody was fed, safe and sound when you got back. Get her back next time, too.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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