Old husband like jeans that don’t fit any more

Opinion

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This article was published 08/12/2016 (3231 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married young at 18. My husband is 14 years older and more tired and bored with life than anyone my age. I started going to university last year and I am a different woman now. I have new friends my age, new interests and there is a guy I’m interested in. He is principled and says he won’t have anything to do with me and will continue to see his girlfriend until I am free. I get so hot studying with him every day all I can think of is tearing his clothes off.

I don’t really want to get rid of my husband. He is like my favourite old pair of jeans that I would never throw out, but this other man teases and flirts with me unmercifully and we have very stimulating talks after classes. I feel like I’m caught between two worlds — the comfortable, secure and boring world with my husband (we have no children, as he already had some before) and the exciting younger man at school.

On the practical side, this new man could offer me everything, even children before it’s too late for me. What do you think? — Dying To Touch Him, Winnipeg

Dear Dying to Touch Him: You think of men in terms of what they can do for you. First, this new guy is not as “principled’ as you like to think. He’s engaging in an emotional, intellectual and mind-sex affair with you while he’s with another woman. He says she will get the boot once you are free. That’s not a nice guy.

You’re also cheating in the same way on your husband. That is not what you promised when you married him. This is not loyalty. How would you feel if your husband were doing the same serious flirting at his work with another woman? If you want to be free of soft-old-jeans husband, let the poor guy go. If you don’t swear off this younger man you’re so dangerously courting, you’re going to end up in a mash-up in the back of the library soon.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I work outside, but it gets unbearably cold some days. I’m tempted to go back to being a server with big tips, only I have grown to hate dealing with the public.

My girlfriend says I should get a decent office job, but I would go stir-crazy in a month. Last night we had a big fight and I told her to back off when it comes to my life problems, that I am man enough to settle them myself. She gets all upset and thinks she is the boss of me whenever I get in any kind of trouble. I just want her to hear me out, so I can straighten out my own thinking on things. — Not Her Child, North End

Dear Not Her Child: Since she tends to take over when she sees you in distress, then you’re better off to discuss work problems with an outside counsellor who can help you work through to a solution and possibly guide you to a new career.

Complaining to someone who can’t really help but wants to help desperately is a waste of time and, ultimately, of love. Since you are man enough to solve your own problems, don’t air them in front of her, as she’s a natural-born fixer and can’t stop herself from dishing out advice. Just report your final decisions to her happily.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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