Casual partner jealous of lover’s other guy

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This article was published 11/12/2016 (3585 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m loving the benefits of a woman who’s in love with me, but I don’t love her. I don’t want to pull the plug when the water is still so hot. She has complained very little about the imbalance in our emotions, which is strange for a woman.

This week, I found out something that blew me away: I think she is keeping another guy on the side. This guy called her when we were at the mall. She turned her back to me and I heard her say, really low, “Can’t talk now. He’s here.”

Then she saw me staring and pocketed her phone fast. I asked who was on the phone, and she stuttered something about a guy she used to know who keeps bothering her. It sounded like a lie.

Now, suddenly, I’m all jealous and competitive.

I know this is irrational. I just went out and bought her a beautiful necklace for Christmas with her birthstone in it. What is wrong with me?

I didn’t think I loved her before, but now I wonder. Is this jealousy or real love surfacing? — Confused and Jealous, Downtown

Dear Confused and Jealous: You need to have an overdue heart-to-heart talk with this woman. She could be on the brink of jumping ship because you don’t seem to have deep feelings for her. Ask her more about the guy on the phone and why she looked so guilty. You both need to show your cards, verbalizing what you feel, or don’t feel, for each other. You may discover you’re both becoming bonded, or you may discover one of you isn’t feeling the Big L. Be suspect of your sudden feelings, since you didn’t feel so much until it seemed like another guy was after her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I heard a rumour at work that I’m going to be promoted, but I like the job I have and don’t want to get into administration. I like the hands-on creative side of my job.

My boss and I like each other, we get along and go out and shoot pool and have drinks, but I don’t want to be in the boss business. If I get asked, what should I do? If I refuse, isn’t it kind of a slap in the face to the person putting his faith in me to help run the company? — Rock and a Hard Place, Winnipeg

Dear Rock and a Hard Place: If you say yes, you will miss your creative work and soon be miserable. If you say no, you may hurt your boss’s feelings. But if you explain all this, he may understand and be fine with it. You can say, “If I ever wanted to go into administration, it would be with you, but I’m a creative guy and need to create.” You won’t get asked again by this guy, but then you don’t really want to be asked anyway.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The rest of my family likes rock, and I like country. We all like to play our music loud, and I have to wear earphones to drown out their music. The other night I just blew up. My brother and I got into a fist fight when I turned off his stupid head-banging music and he made fun of my “hay-bale hick “ country music. Our father threw us outside in the snow to finish it. In two minutes we were cold and wanted back in.

We have two or three years to go until we leave the farm and go to university. As the oldest, I think I should have my way because I’ll be gone first, and he’ll still be here. What do you think? — Sick of Fighting, Southern Manitoba

Dear Sick of Fighting: At this point, a 50/50 deal makes the most sense. If the rights to the air around you are all given to you, your younger brother is going to be mad all the time. Don’t you want to enjoy the last years you will be under the same roof? Pretty soon you’ll be gone and won’t see him every day. Spend some time talking to the guy and leave home with good feelings toward him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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