Couple dreading potential hookup of in-laws

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This article was published 12/12/2016 (3581 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m having my divorced mother-in-law over for Christmas, along with my father, who became a widower this year. These two both like to drink at Christmas and have always had a good time playing cards and razzing each other. She’s a cracker and he knows how to get her going. I suspect this year’s party might ignite a romance.

It seems a little creepy that my husband’s mother and my dad might get along, or even worse, get it on and have a romance. What do you think? If they got married, would that make my husband and me stepsister and stepbrother?

— A Little Creeped Out, St. Boniface

Dear A Little Creeped Out: If they got married, that would make you and your husband no relation, except the husband and wife you are. There’s nothing illegal or immoral about it, so get your mind off this goofiness and enjoy the holiday. Let whatever happens between them go on without your hindrance. These two may just tease each other like they always have, and go their separate ways until next year. Just because you have two single older people together in one room doesn’t mean they’ll be attracted to each other.

Don’t worry about the table placement or how much liquor either of them drink. Just get them both home safely. It could be the most entertaining Christmas dinner you’ve had in years — or not.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just ran into my first husband in a mall Christmas shopping. He was my first love from high school and he looked wonderful with a little grey in his hair and beard. I peered at him through a book display, but he didn’t catch my eye. He had a couple of children with him. This is the man who refused to give me babies when we were married in our early 20s. He was very sweet with his children at the store. I have never had any — the big irony of my life — and I’m in my 40s.

When I knew him, I was immature, headstrong and selfish. I wanted what I wanted, when I wanted it. My dream was to have a picture-book wedding (I got that), kids in my early 20s and be back to work at 30 to start a big career for myself. My husband was in the beginning of seven years of university and working as a waiter, so he didn’t want kids then. He and I fought bitterly over that for two years (while I was pretending to take my birth-control pills) and we finally broke up.

As it turned out, I didn’t find another guy like him, although I had other loves. I couldn’t get pregnant and didn’t have those babies I wanted. I had my education and the career early, one long-term husband and a boyfriend I lived with, but no babies. I was bowled over when I saw him again. I pulled my hat down and my scarf up and followed him in the store. He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. What if he’s single right now? Should I try to reconnect? I think I still love him.

— Excited About Him, St. Vital

Dear Excited About Him: You and I both know you’re going to check him out, but be careful. He could be married and you could be the last person he wants to see again. Some people don’t wear their wedding rings because of work or a skin condition, or they just don’t like the feeling.

It’s not hard to find out about somebody these days. Get back in touch with some people from high school and they’ll probably mention his name before you do because you were so linked back then. And you can look him up on the computer through various social-media sites.

Just don’t call him up on some silly excuse. He would be more than startled, and you would get a stiff reply. Don’t expect a big warm welcome back into his life, even as a friend. The man was deeply in love with you and it must have been very hard getting over that marriage.

As for the baby issue, it’s interesting you wanted children so badly and never adopted any. Some people like the fantasy of children, but are not so committed to the reality of them. Don’t give that dangerous old dream too much power.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know my boyfriend bought me a diamond ring for Christmas but he doesn’t know I know. I know where it’s hidden, and it’s gorgeous! Should I let him now I know, so I don’t have to put on an act when he proposes?

— Fiancée-To-Be, Brandon

Dear Fiancée: Don’t spoil his big surprise! Let him enjoy planning his proposal. You’re lucky knowing, in a way, because you can make yourself camera-ready on likely occasions throughout the season instead of getting caught in your housecoat with your hair sticking out.

And keep your fingernails done, so the ring looks its best when he puts it on your finger to show around. Just revel in knowing the big secret, have the Christmas of your life, and let your beloved enjoy every minute of making his plan.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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