Dad’s engagement has mother in vicious mood

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/12/2016 (3580 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My father is a good-looking guy. After leaving my mother — a beautiful woman — the competition was on.

They both seemed to be aware of the other person’s new romances and I often overheard loud fighting on the phone.

My mom has a vicious tongue.Finally, my dad got engaged to a woman and my mother’s claws have really come out.

She can’t say enough nasty things about this woman, whom she has researched down to the last detail. She has even stalked her outside her house.

My mother never says bad things about my father to me, and he never says bad things about her. She always acts as if it’s the woman’s fault and that he was “weak like a man” and fell into the trap. What is going on?    

— Painful To Hear, North End

Dear Painful to Hear: People don’t heal at the same rate after a divorce and there is a lot of feeling left on your mother’s side.

It’s probably love mixed with anger and jealousy. You may not know exactly what went on between your mother and your father, but it would be good now to ask your dad what happened between them to make your mother so burned-up with anger.

One of the reasons your mother attacks your father’s new woman is because she still cares about your dad and needs to transfer her hurt and anger into cursing a total stranger.

It’s time for you to get some counselling around their messy breakup and finally learn how to tell your mother it is harming you to listen to her hatred.

Ask your guidance counsellor at school for help. Your mom needs to know it won’t be good for you when trying to form a relationship of your own one day.

Tell her this: “If you ever want to see grandchildren, you’ll have to stop filling my ears with all this anger and nasty talk about love and marriage. I can’t stand to hear any more!”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a beautiful woman at my gym and she let me flirt with her for a month before she revealed she had a husband.

There was no ring and no mention of his existence. Believe me, there was no doubt I was trying very hard to get a date.

I can’t say I feel used, but I feel angry she would lead me on like that.

Shouldn’t she have mentioned casually that she appreciated the attention, but that she was married?

— Tricked, Winnipeg

Dear Tricked: Most women would have given you that much honesty, but some married women (and men) go to the gym ringless and enjoy collecting compliments and admirers.

Did you ever ask this woman if she was resisting your charms because she was married?

It’s always a good idea to ask about a person’s relationship status early, while you’re just at the friendly stage and the flirtation hasn’t gone into full swing.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography