Steer clear of couple you almost pushed off pier

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This article was published 07/01/2017 (3559 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went for a walk on the pier at my hotel in Mexico and was immediately sorry. Right in front of me, holding hands with some sleazy woman, was the guy who dumped me in October. He was with another girl from Winnipeg I recognized.

It was crowded on the pier. I didn’t exactly hip-check him, but I gave him enough of a jolt that she almost fell off the pier on the other side of him. He called me some names and threatened to call hotel security. I laughed in his face!

When we all got home to Winnipeg, my ex called me and let me have it. He said he was glad he was no longer associated with a lunatic and told me to stay 100 yards away from him at all times or he would charge me as a stalker.

I’m in no way a stalker, but should I be scared?

— Worried Ex-Girlfriend, River Heights

Dear Worried Ex-Girlfriend: If that woman had gone off the pier and drowned, whose fault would it have been? You may not be a stalker, but face facts: you wanted to hurt one or both of them. You’re lucky nothing more serious happened. Now stay away from this old boyfriend and his lady and go for some personal counselling, because that was deliberate, dangerous behaviour.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is an awful thing to say, but I think my sister-in-law — now in her mid-80s — is a thief. Once in a while when she leaves our house after a family event, a piece of my costume jewelry will be gone — nothing very expensive, just something glittery and small. I have a lot of those kinds of things and keep them on my bureau in a box. A year ago, I started counting how many pieces I had before she came over for an event, and I found there would usually be one missing at the end.

This Christmas, I waited 24 hours after the usual theft and called my brother-in-law to come over for coffee alone. When I told him what was happening, he just chuckled. “Yes, I know my wife’s a bit light-fingered in her old age. She just can’t resist shiny little things. She apparently thinks people won’t miss them.” Then he gave me two $100 bills and said, “I hope this pays for the trinkets she’s taken so far, and please lock your bedroom door when we come over from now on.”

I was in shock at this casual attitude, but took the money, and bought a lock for my door, too. Don’t you think it’s strange that my brother is so tolerant of this crazy behaviour? Shouldn’t she be stopped?

— Shocked Sister-in-Law, St. Vital

Dear Shocked Sister-in-Law: You really want to pack a lady in her mid-80s off to jail? No, of course not. But you could ask your brother to have you over to their place when his wife’s not home, and steal back a few of your favourite pieces.

It sounds like your sister-in-law is losing it a little bit. So just protect the stuff you really care about and enjoy her “shopping” as a bit of a game. Her husband seems to be at peace with that, and it’s pretty harmless. Maybe don’t take her to the mall, but on gift-giving occasions, always give her sparkly jewelry because you certainly have the same taste. She might even enjoy going to garage sales with you in the spring and summer to find jewelry. (Your brother would probably be happy to finance those trips.)

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In the letter signed Torn Between Two, in which the adult son wants his mother and his second wife to share him on visits, I couldn’t help but think the writer’s mother is probably lonely. She needs somewhere to invest her time and energies apart from focusing on her son’s life. Of course, he will want to spend some time with her, but I would suggest she also needs to find some life of her own.

The best way to do that, in my opinion, is to volunteer your time and energies to others who need it. The rewards are endless and as varied as you could ever imagine.

A quick glance at the volunteer section in your newspaper alone shows the need is there. We cannot hope to have the quality society that we all want to live in without considerable time and effort put in by volunteer activity. All you need to do is make a start. The people you meet while volunteering will make the experience, and your life, richer!

— Retired, Winnipeg

Dear Retired: That fellow treated his mom as his most important lady/confidante for several years after his first wife died. When he married a second time, mom got pushed aside. Now she can either share her son with the second wife she doesn’t like much, or see her son very little.

No amount of volunteering is going to make that abandoned feeling go away if her son doesn’t start seeing his mom one-on-one fairly regularly. The rest of the time I agree that his mom would have a happier life if she volunteered, joined some groups and started socializing. As you pointed out, loneliness is probably a big problem for her. No wonder she resents the new wife who’s getting all the attention!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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