Clean yourself up to get more loving

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This article was published 06/01/2017 (3548 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m so mad! My wife made a list of 10 New Year’s resolutions for me a week before so I could be right on the program. Without embarrassing myself with details, they were about personal cleanliness, housework and cleaning up my language. I love swearing as a healthy outlet for my frustrations and my outgoing personality. She says she’s sick of me “turning the air blue.” She’s also given me a separate labelled laundry bag with a sealed top. I have to wash all my own underwear and socks from now on.

Well, I’m doing nothing. I feel like I’m suddenly living with Mother Dearest.

I’d like to give her 10 New Year’s resolutions about being better in bed. She could do with it — and the frequency! Also, she’s not pulling her weight putting gas in the car, solving computer problems and shovelling snow. She’s an athlete and weightlifter. Right now I feel like I’m being treated like a bad teenager and not her husband. Should I give her my list?

— Don’t Need a Parent at 34, South End

Dear Don’t Need a Parent at 34: Rip up that retaliation list! When people make lists it’s because they’re at the end of the line on critical and sensitive issues, but still care enough to try to get things fixed so they can stay with you. Why should your wife wash your personal dirty laundry? That’s not sexy. You can throw it in the washer and dryer easily. Surely personal cleanliness makes sense so you smell great and attractive, not stinky and unattractive.

Go back to your courting cleanliness days and see if her sexual interest returns when you’re clean, well-dressed and smelling good. Later, have the talks about the car, computer and snow-clearing. Can you offload some of these chores? For instance, you can hire a neighbourhood teenager and his buddy to shovel snow. They would love the money. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Shoulda Put a Ring On It. (The guy was sponging hundreds in pre-Christmas money, which she mistakenly thought was for an engagement ring for her.) I think we as a society should decide to completely stop the nonsense of giving each other rings, for any reason. The letter was all about lovers getting mad at each other over materialism. Do we not have quite enough country songs about wives leaving wedding rings on cheating husbands’ pillows?

Can we all grow up and consider acts of love as proof of love? I would love to see a headline for your column read: “If he loved her, he would have taken her hand in marriage.” She would have accepted his pledge to be gainfully employed, to support her and their children and let her do work she wanted to do, as long as she understood he would like a little appreciation for all he does, and rings be damned!

— Sincerely, M.B., Manitoba

Dear M.B.: The ring issue is loaded for some people. Some anti-ring folk feel the wedding ring is like a branding, so the pair are reminded every minute of the promise between them. Also, singles or cheating married types will know he/she belongs to someone, and might stay away.

Other people are so naturally honest and trustworthy they resent having to wear the rings as a reminder. Then there are the married weasels of both sexes who hide their rings in their pockets out in public, hoping they can trick single marks.

Then, people who are pro-wedding and engagement ring love their rings, big and small, and feel they are a sacred trust, with both people getting enjoyment out of wearing them. In the end, it’s not about rings, it’s about inner trust.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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