Too soon to say L word? Look for the signs

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/05/2018 (2699 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a serious case of the “L-L-Ls.” That’s when you’re near the object of your new love and desire, and you feel your tongue, totally unbidden, saying “I L-L-L” and you stop yourself, slam on the brakes, because it’s too soon to say right out loud, “I love you.”

What if you scare the other person off? You try to cover by saying, “I l-l-love… uh… your hair, your shirt, your… um… your laugh!” What are the tricks for helping people get through the stuttering stage without blowing it by saying “I love you” prematurely?

— Almost Blew It Today, Downtown

Dear Almost Blew It: Be grateful that you are on this side of the fence. There is nothing worse than trying to decide if you should say “I love you” because you feel like you should and you’re not there.

Your safety rule could be this: You stutter on the “I L-L-L” and then grin and say “No, it’s probably too soon to say anything” and change the topic without apology. If the other person is ready too, he or she will bring you back to the “L-L-L” conversation and you can say “I love you” more or less together.

If, however, your new sweetheart appears eager to change the subject, go with that and wait. The love between people is often like two train engines chugging towards the same station at different speeds.

Both will get there, but not quite at the same time. You might as well wait for the other one to catch up. Meanwhile, look for signs.

As the old song says, “It’s in his kiss.” Often, it’s a softening around the eyes. Sometimes it’s fear you see at first if the person has lost at love before.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m missing my new man who is away. I tried a dream experience by sleeping with my guy’s knitted shirt over my eyes and nose inhaling the gentle scent of his cologne and new sweat from his collar and had erotic dreams all night. What an experience.

I thought I’d pass this on to anyone who’s pining for their love when he or she is away. The funny part is I have a little dog who loves this man and his scent too. Although I hide the shirt under my pillow before I go to work, he digs it out with his paws and lies on it, leaving tell-tale brown and white hair.

I just wanted to write because you had a few people writing in about their dream experiences lately and the ability to direct their dreaming to places they want to explore.

— Magic Shirt Experience

Dear Magic: Scent can be a powerful aphrodisiac when mixed with the natural smell of your loved one. Good on you — and your little dog — for discovering this and enjoying it when Mr. X is away.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend left me three and half years ago “to be free” and now her latest boyfriend has left her for another guy.

When this news got back to me via the St. Vital grapevine, I just waited for the call. This woman can’t stand to be without sex and a man for longer than a month.

Sure enough, she just called me up on the weekend and offered me what I laughingly call “second prize.” I told her “No thanks.” It’s not like I’m seeing anyone else right now. Was I stupid to let pride get in the way? She was the best sex partner I ever had. I can’t stop thinking about her and I’m not able to sleep.

—Second-Guessing My Refusal, St. Vital

Dear Second Guessing: You and I both know you’re going to give this another whirl. So how do you protect yourself? Let her know before you go over (and lose your rational mind) that it’s a “just friends” thing as your love and trust got damaged in the break-up and it’s too late to take this relationship back to the shop.

Good luck with that, my friend.

Please send your questions and comments to

lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o

the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.