‘Hot thang’ just a snake

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This article was published 24/05/2018 (3001 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This chick who broke my heart four years ago is calling again and I shouldn’t want her, but I don’t have anybody else. What if she learned her lesson and we could have it good again? She was great in bed — what a hot thang! How can I test her out to find out if she’d be good to me now, or if she’d play the same old game and treat me good, and then treat me like dirt?

She says she’s changed, and she doesn’t need more than one man in her life anymore, but that’s not enough. Does she just need money again? I need somebody else who’s known her in the last year to tell me what she’s like now. I saw her latest photos on Facebook and she’s even better-looking than she was before! 

I could just fall for her looks again and then I’d be right back in her pocket. What test can I give her? She cheated on me and took a bunch of money last time from my secret safe place and left with some guy for Alberta.

— Scared to Get Rooked Again, Transcona

Dear Scared: A person can make a mistake, or there can be an event that precipitates some bad behaviour, like a violent death in the family that makes them act out for a while. But this woman has shown her basic character to be bad. Let’s take this to the natural world for a comparison. She’s a snake, not likely to ever become something honest and loving like a dog. She is dishonest with everything — with her love, sex and with money. You are right to be scared, so listen to your instincts.

Her dishonesty runs so deep she’s only going to make up to you and behave nicely long enough to fool you so she can dupe you again. This time it will be even easier because she knows you to be a sucker. You think bad character rubs off and goes away, and you can run a test to see if it’s gone? She’s deceitful, dishonest, and unfaithful. She has flunked every test so badly, you don’t need to give her another one.  Just stay far away from her because she’s bad to the bone.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m working really hard out of town, and making big money and putting it in the bank. I heard a rumour last night that my partner back home may have got herself another girlfriend. Yes, I am lesbian. I know my girlfriend is bisexual, leaning towards lesbian, especially when I’m around to satisfy her.

I’m just not there to keep her happy and feeling loved all the time. A while back, I got this contract that’s making me a lot of money, but I’m too far away for long periods of time. If I make enough money I thought maybe I could buy her a car like a convertible for the summer, and that would keep her happy.

— Feel Her Slipping Away, Out of Town

Dear Slipping Away: It’s hard when you want to give your lady material goods, and she doesn’t want them. She wants your body and your heart beating close to hers. She’s getting no loving when you’re away. You really need a woman more like you who’s willing to sacrifice time together to get established financially. You should talk to her about this ASAP before there’s a third person in the picture, if there isn’t already.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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