No-no to remake wife in late wife’s image

Opinion

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This article was published 22/05/2018 (2702 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw a giant rainbow on the day my darling wife and I got married and it was a beautiful sign of happiness to come. We had a great marriage, but then she died early, not yet 60. I married a second time because marriage had been so wonderful for me.

My second wife wasn’t anything like my first wife, except in features and colouring, so I tried to give her a few hints about how she could make a nicer home for us, like my first wife did. That didn’t go over well. She even cut off her long hair which was in a ponytail like my wife had. A few weeks later, she said she wanted her own bedroom and now she’s sleeping in the basement bedroom which seems very cold and distant to me. My first wife would never have done that.

It appears I made a mistake with this woman. Now she’s making noises about leaving me and I don’t know whether to feel happy or sad. She was a poor replacement for my first wife, and there seem to be a lot of single women and widows at the activities I go to. What do you think?

— Alone Again, South Winnipeg

Dear Alone Again: I don’t sense any sincere unhappiness from you here. Perhaps you were never in love with your second wife, and she knows it. You were clearly trying to replace your first wife with a look-alike. Then you tried to instruct her how to act like your first wife.

Should you part, there’s not likely to be tears on either side.

As for Wife No. 3 — you and I both know that’s what you’ll go after — consider seeing a counsellor to do some work on yourself first.

You really need to face your problems choosing a woman and treating her with respect.

Your first wife was a certain kind of woman and you were mutually in love. You can’t train another human like a robot to be exactly like your former wife, nor can you train her to love you. Next time, consciously try to find a different lady with a different personality, but one you also like — even love. And don’t, whatever you do, look for yet another woman who resembles your first wife.

Be cautious.

Too often the wife who replaces the one who was so dearly loved is chosen too quickly. Take your time. There are lots of available ladies around — don’t jump at the first one who shows an interest in you. Make close friendships, go out on some dates and take it from there.

Once you’ve found someone who appears to be a great match, make sure there’s a physical compatibility, if you’re still into lovemaking. There’s nothing worse than being rejected night after night. Some older people aren’t interested in intercourse, but still like to cuddle in bed. Others want their own beds and a peck goodnight. These are some of the many kinds of things you have to talk about ahead of time.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is from another country and he started calling me a name of endearment in his language. I looked it up online and found out it means baby pig. I’m short, a little on the porky side and this HURTS me. Last night he said it again and I hit the roof. I said, “I know what that means and it is insulting to me!” He looked truly horrified and embarrassed. He said it was a very sweet thing to call a girlfriend in his country. Now we are very upset with each other. Please help.

— Not a Piglet, Downtown

Dear Not a Piglet: You need to find someone here in Winnipeg who speaks his language and will explain what this endearment means to people in the old country, aside from a literal translation. Piglet is not a bad nickname if it doesn’t refer to being chubby, but you’d be wise to tell him some substitute endearments in English, so you don’t feel criticized by the nickname.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
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