‘Perfect’ wife is driving him crazy

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/07/2018 (2990 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is always trying to be perfect. As a former model, she’s still beautiful and slim.

In her second career, she’s steadily being promoted. God knows her housekeeping is meticulous. She is diligent in her sexual attentions to me (three times a week, whether she really wants it or not).

She doesn’t curse or make grammar mistakes and she’s now college-educated.

She is freakin’ perfect, and I can’t stand it!

I’m not perfect. And guess what?

She loves me more than I love her.

Why?

Because I’m not perfect, she feels I need her to provide the example. She seems to not need me for anything, except my nice income.

I suspect I’m her fixer-upper project. She has her little world all figured out. She’s a perfect Barbie doll and she bores me silly. We have no kids, she’s on the pill, and we’re pushing 30. 

There’s this other woman I’m crazy about lately. She is far from perfect.

In fact, sometimes I’d like to throttle her. If she doesn’t want me bugging her for sex, she tells me to stuff it. And I laugh!

Her honesty is such a relief. Her house is sometimes nice and sometimes a mess. She doesn’t care. She has one little boy who’s two, and I really like him. 

She wants me to leave my wife and move in with her and live common-law. She doesn’t even care about a wedding.

I think I’m falling in love with her.

I don’t know how I’ll ever tell my perfect wife because she’s never done anything wrong.

It will break her in pieces. What are your thoughts on this mess? 

— Average Married to Perfect, Tuxedo

 

Dear Average: It’s hard to know how you could tell your wife to become less than perfect.

Perhaps she’d just start working on being perfectly imperfect.

Try telling her the truth — that you’d like her to bend a little, have fun, swear a little, let the house get dirty and get mad at you.

Perhaps there’s a livelier person inside that’s scared to come out and show herself, in case she doesn’t make the grade somehow.

Look at who she married — hardly the perfect Ken doll.

Maybe she needs encouragement to break out of the mould and be more like you.

Some other significant person taught her that kind of perfectionism, and it was likely one of her parents or maybe both.

“I just love you, my perfect little girl” could be a line she heard way too many times.

Or, it may have been strict schooling. Or, it may just have been her attempts at making friends and being accepted.

Perfectionism doesn’t win friends. It just makes other people feel uncomfortable and judged.

Look deep in yourself.

Do you still love your wife? Whether you do or not, you’re already halfway out the door.

It’s time to hit the counselling office and say how you feel about everything.

As for the other woman, do you love her or is she just a relief from the strain of living with a too-perfect woman?

You have some important decisions to make, and quickly.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We went to my family’s farm for a little holiday. The kids love it there and so does my wife.

When I was there, my dad had a few drinks and asked me privately if I’d like to come back and farm with him.

He said he could help me build a house on the property and he and mom could continue living in their house and he’d gradually retire in 10 to 15 years.

I told my wife and she said, “It’s a trap and I won’t go there!”

In her family, her brother worked under his father in his business until he and his dad couldn’t stand each other. Both wanted to be his own man and be the boss.

What do you think? 

— Love the Farm, South Manitoba

 

Dear Love The Farm: If your dad was fed up with farming and wanted to move to town with your mom to live there now, it’d be a different situation. But he doesn’t. He wants to farm and live with you and your family on the same land.

Your wife is wise not to want to be the second-position wife or for you to be the junior farmer.

Just like people find out after a few weeks at a two- or three-generation cottage, you don’t need the natural power struggles that arise.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6