Yelling fit could be a scream for help

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This article was published 01/08/2018 (2983 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mom used to yell so much Dad called her ‘Old Yeller,’ after the movie. To get her to stop yelling, my dad would start absolutely roaring until the whole family cowered in fear. I grew up avoiding any man or woman who even raised their voices a little. As a result my relationships were mostly guys who were very subdued — and dull.

My sister pointed out once that I had two back-to-back live-in relationships with wusses. I vowed to change my pattern. Along came this guy who wasn’t a wuss and we had a wonderful six months. Then, at the lake recently we had a big fight and he was raising his voice at me. I took it for all of three minutes and then I yelled my head off just like my father. I roared for every time someone had yelled at me. I just yelled until my voice ached and I fell in a heap, sobbing.

I felt drained and relieved and slept for hours. The guy, meanwhile, got in his car — my ride, too — and went home. He thought I was some kind of freak. I had to get a lake neighbour to give me a ride home. This week, I’m in shock at what I did. What should I do now?

— ‘Old Yeller’ the Second, Winnipeg

Dear Old Yeller: Your prolonged roaring may have been a lifetime of yelling you didn’t direct at your mother, or you may have chosen to be the aggressor when someone threatened to yell at you like your mom and dad.

At any rate, you need to pack yourself off to see a psychologist. Group insurance sometimes pays for a psychiatrist which is on Medicare, but it might take a while to schedule a session. Klinic Community Health at 870 Portage Ave has almost daily walk-in counselling services (204-784-4067 for hours of operation).

You’d benefit a great deal, and probably start feeling better by talking about your past, your wussy relationships and the incident that sparked your decision to seek counselling. You could go for longer term “work” and develop new and better reactions and behaviours. Money is generally very well spent working on your problems and family history.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to meet a guy I chatted with online for a coffee date. He seemed perfectly great on Facebook, so I just had to meet him for real and get his vibes. But, when I got there right on time, he was playing some game on his phone and told me to wait a minute while he finished.

After five minutes, I got up and left. He tried to follow me while holding his phone and I waved him away. He keeps trying to talk to me online and explain that he was at an important part of the game. Idiot! I won’t reply to him. Am I being too harsh?

— Shocked, Fort Garry

Dear Shocked: Flirting with online gaming addicts is best conducted 100 per cent on the computer. You brought this guy into your real world, and the guy failed to relate when he could finally see and hear you.

Don’t consider meeting him again — it will just be time wasted. He’s addicted and rude. Just say no to his attempts to recapture you online, as in “Adios, online amigo!”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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