Sex life cools after nixing beach fantasy

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This article was published 26/07/2018 (2993 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to Grand Beach with my new boyfriend and he wanted to do “the naughty” in the sand dunes. No one was around, but I refused anyway.

I’ve noticed a cooling since I wouldn’t explore his fantasy with him. Now he’s not doing anything experimental with me — things I like that are out of the ordinary — and it’s been straight sex since the dunes thing crashed.

How can I get him back to where we were before I refused his outdoor fantasy? — Feeling The Breeze, North Kildonan

Dear Feeling the Breeze: You can’t bury this in the sand; you really need to talk intimately about this whole sex scene and what happened at the beach to make your relationship cool. Fairness and reciprocity are important with experimenting lovers.

You’re in lust and/or love with a guy who finds it exciting to have sex when there’s a chance the two of you will get caught. You can satisfy his fantasy while still protecting yourself from embarrassment or worse. Pick a spot down the beach and high up and have a second beach blanket at the ready to throw over you if you hear voices or footsteps coming.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a fascinating man, and it’s serious. He is brilliant, fun and loving, and to make things more interesting, from another culture. This has only been a problem in the religion area for us. I want to keep my own religion and so does he, but we’d like to go somewhere together. But where? — Wanting to Share Faith, East Kildonan

Dear Faith: The Ba’hai religion encourages intermarriage between cultures and is a modern faith that supports equality for men and women, education and careers. That might be something to investigate together.

Buddhism provides rules for living in love and harmony. Some people go to churches, temples and synagogues and are also active Buddhists.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Untouched and Unhappy, the 55-year-old man who said his wife, who’d had a hysterectomy two years ago, is using it as an excuse not to have sex. You suggested ways to handle their reality, including an open marriage.

Maybe he should try to rekindle the spark and see what happens. He could try romancing her again and taking her on dates. Sometimes women in long-term relationships feel like they are not appreciated and withhold sex for that reason.

She could talk to a doctor and maybe try hormone therapy as well. He deserves to have intimacy with someone. If she doesn’t respond, it might be time to move on. — M.G., Winnipeg

Dear M. G.: For many women who have undergone a hysterectomy, the best outcome is to be in better shape so they can enjoy a normal sex life again. But for some women, a hysterectomy is a scary, invasive surgery and they’re afraid to have sex again.

In this case, the wife never liked sex, and may have no interest in her husband’s efforts to romance her. He said she’d force herself to have sex with him if he threatened to leave her, but who wants forced sex?

Marriage counselling is in order, and might result in a breakthrough or even an amicable breakup to the relationship. This husband doesn’t want to be put out to pasture at 55, which is what his wife preferred years before her operation.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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