Matchmaking aunt has niece crying uncle

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This article was published 29/07/2018 (2986 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My life is being toyed with by my widowed aunt, whom I love — but not right now! She has a guy in mind for me this summer, and she’s intent on pushing him on me in a few weeks when he moves to Winnipeg. I don’t want to see his face, although I have seen a picture and he’s good-looking. He’s coming here for special studies of some kind starting in the fall, and frankly, I don’t care. I’m turning 30 and single; my aunt and mother are old-school and are panicking.

My meddling aunt has set up a big dinner for my birthday at her place. Through my younger sister, I have found out Auntie has invited this guy, the nephew of a friend. He is dark with curly hair and reminds her of her recently departed husband. There’s no way I can wiggle out of it, nor would I want to. I love having my family around me at my birthday. Auntie says he’s coming because he’s “new in town” and she wants me to meet him and show him around. Big deal. Let him find his own friends. I objected that I’m the only single woman in the group and her matchmaking is embarrassingly obvious. She responded by asking my best single friend to come too, and told her about the guy needing friends. When my friend saw his picture on Facebook, she said, “What’s your problem, girl? Give him to me if you don’t want him!”

You see what a total disaster this is becoming? I feel like I’m suddenly in competition for a guy I never wanted or asked for. How should I act at this horrible dinner?

— Unwilling Stooge, Transcona

Dear Stooge: This guy is just a photo to you right now, so don’t get your back up. Look at this as a possible new friendship, not a set-up for romance. Just plan to deal with this new guy in town in a fun and casual way. It’s your birthday party, so dress up and enjoy yourself. Don’t be rude to anybody — the guy, your aunt or your best friend. It’s hard to be new in town, and you might even want to joke with him about your aunt’s romantic scheming and how he might be feeling uncomfortable — and then invite him to meet all of your other friends.

As for your best pal, tell her you get first dibs if you do like him. Not that you’re in control. He’s not likely to chase either of you, as you’re like his new family and friends in town. He’ll soon be meeting another bunch of new people in his program of studies and he’s an attractive guy. He’ll be fine outside of this little birthday party gathering, so you don’t owe him anything except “friendly Winnipeg” behaviour.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel compelled to write about the letter from Upset Stepmom. At the expense of hurting the father’s feelings, this daughter refused a trip with him and the stepmom and when pressed wrote a scathing letter. Since the daughter wrote saying she did not feel safe with him anymore and could never trust him, she should be listened to.

Too many times we do not listen to our children and they suffer many years for it. Have the discussion with all of you present with a counsellor and clear this up. It may have no basis, or may be easily solved. But it should definitely be dealt with carefully. I am a concerned mother and grandmother, and our family experienced sexual abuse within the members. None of us could believe this could have been happening, as we were all home living under the same roof and playing together. It was revealed 25 years after the fact, and it was several more years before any action was taken.

— Concerned Mother & Grandmother, Winnipeg.

Dear Concerned: The comment from the daughter who refused to go on a surprise holiday with her dad and stepmom seemed to come out of nowhere. She didn’t explain why she didn’t trust her father. If the dad behaved in a sexually abusive manner, that needs to come out. The girl doesn’t say what kind of trust she has lost, but it might also be her biological mother finally telling her details of their breakup. That disclosure could include details about her dad’s lying and cheating with the woman who is now his second wife.

The girl is only 13, but she needs to be taken seriously and the lines have been drawn. It’s time to get a counsellor involved. The dad and stepmom need to talk with the biological mom and a counsellor. If the dad has been sexually abusive to his daughter, authorities should be alerted.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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