Daddy issues sabotaging romantic life

By: Miss Lonelyhearts Posted: 4:00 AM CDT Friday, Aug. 17, 2018

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This summer I met a man just like my handsome dad and he had a big effect on me. At first it intrigued me that he looked, sounded and behaved so much like my dad (who died too young), but then I started to wonder if my feelings were kind of incestuous. We were in bed at my place when I panicked and confessed about his very strong resemblance to my father. He got a funny look on his face and said, “I’m not going to be a stand-in for any woman’s father — it’s too weird to even think of it.” He left and I haven’t heard from him again.

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/08/2018 (2968 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

The trouble is my dad was an ideal man and most of my boyfriends until this one have been the polar opposite of him — real losers. How do I sort this mess out? I can’t make a move towards another man until I digest this and get some answers my brain can accept. Please help me.

— Scared of Yucky Feelings, St. Vital

Dear Scared: Let’s be plain here. Sleeping with your dad would be incestuous, but he’s not alive so there’s no chance of that. Picking a boyfriend who’s like your dad is not incestuous. The right man for you might have many of your dad’s good qualities and many different qualities of his own. You’re looking for a good man. It’s time to stop picking losers because they don’t remind you of your dear old dad and somehow seem “safe” to you.

You might steer away from men who look like your father, but by all means, welcome a guy who shares his good qualities. Parents are supposed to be good role models to their kids so they know how to pick a life partner. Just don’t harp on how much a new guy reminds you of your father. Would you like a guy to tell you with delight, “Oh, you’re just like my mother.” Just enjoy the comfort of being with a great guy and stop picking polar opposites, which is getting you nowhere.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think it’s odd that my wife wants to go fishing with her best girlfriend every weekend. We don’t have kids yet but that doesn’t mean we’re not a couple or a family. I asked her why she didn’t want to go camping with me instead of her friend, and she said, “I see you all week, don’t I?” I’m alone every weekend this summer, unless we go to a family get-together at my sister’s cottage.

I feel like I’m single — and we haven’t even been married a year yet. My buddies think she and the other woman have something going on, but she has never said anything to me about being bisexual. Last night I woke up in a panic, alone again on the weekend, dreaming of those two women getting it on together.

I don’t know what to do. They have spent five weekends together since mid-June. What do you think?

— Home Alone Husband, Tuxedo

Dear Home Alone: Frankly, it seems weird. It seems your wife has reclaimed her single status and you’re not even getting the status of a steady boyfriend. Why should you devote yourself to a real marriage that she doesn’t seem to want? Now is the time to call her out, before there are any babies. Sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons — like they’ve been dating so long it’s expected, or they are attracted to the pageantry and attention a wedding brings — but they’re not so much into the warmth, intimacy and togetherness aspects of a real union of hearts and souls.

Let your wife know this is not what you want in a marriage — that you expected to be much closer. Ask her if she’ll go with you for marriage counselling. If she won’t, go yourself so she knows the marriage is now in question.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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