Don’t be pushed out of sexual comfort zone
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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/08/2018 (2973 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just graduated from high school.
After three crappy years with hardly any friends and no social life, I got into this group of kick-ass girls in Grade 12 and it was dope!
These girls are everything I was trying to be — fearless and free. One of them is even in Europe backpacking this summer. I only wish I had the money to go with her.
Everyone is staying in touch and expanding their social life now that we’re all over 18. That means bars, clubs and more drinking.
I’m good with all that and still feel part of the group but some of the girls are starting to experiment sexually. They aren’t afraid to date or sleep with both guys and girls and sometimes there’s two boys and a girl or vice versa.
I’m super open-minded and I admire their path, but I’m not down with making out with a girl. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but it’s not for me. I’m starting to feel a lot of pressure to be with a girl and don’t want to lose my friends because I won’t try it.
They’re so cool and I can tell they’re looking at me differently. Should I just try anyway?
One girl said to me. “What’s the big deal? You don’t really know what you’re missing unless you try it out.” She has a point.
When I drink, I can almost see myself doing it, but not when I’m sober. Should I experiment? What harm can it do?
— Not Really Bisexual, Winnipeg
Dear Not Really Bisexual: Be true to your heart and soul. If people are pushing you into doing something you’re just not feeling, it isn’t for you. That’s what you have to trust — your heart and soul and gut reaction, not theirs.
If you feel a great interest, then it will happen soon enough as there’s very little taboo against bisexual experimentation these days. But for now, just tell your friends it’s not for you. Don’t put yourself in a position where others are pressuring you. The girl who was pushing you probably wanted you for herself.
Now, about the alcohol.
If you need to be drunk to do anything, you should not be going down that road.
If people push drinks on you to get to break down your inhibitions, that’s manipulation.
Being truly free is about doing what you want and not being pressured to do anything outside of your comfort zone.
Peer pressure feeds on your need to belong. Real friends don’t make you jump hurdles to stay in their group.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6
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