Lunch date not as advertised

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/11/2018 (2884 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw a very obese man on the way to a restaurant at The Forks, not realizing he was my online date. He walked in first and sat down. Three minutes later, I walked in and asked for the first name of the man I was supposed to meet — and it was him! He had the same face I saw in his headshot picture except he was a lot fatter under the chin, at least 300 pounds, and short. I was shocked and it showed.

I said to him, “Sorry, I am surprised. You didn’t give any indication of your weight before meeting so I didn’t know. Forgive my face for showing surprise, but I expected you to look one way and you look another.”

He stood up and said, “I’m leaving! I’m not buying lunch for a woman as rude and small-minded as you are.” I said, “Fine” and cooled my heels in the bathroom until I was sure he was gone.

Was I at fault here? I don’t know what I could have done differently. I was shocked at how extremely overweight he was and I guess my mouth fell open. What is your take on this? It could have been avoided it he had the decency to be honest in his picture.

— Feeling Angry and Upset, Downtown

Dear Upset: He probably thought he’d not get any dates if he showed his full picture. But that form of deceit can only lead to a a bad situation for both people. It’s important to show pictures that are representative of how you really look. By just showing his face to the camera, ending at the chin, he avoided giving you a truthful picture of what he looked like.

Skype can be helpful — you can see and hear each other before meeting in person. Employ that in your online search and you won’t be surprised again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Well, this is really upsetting. When I first got to know the woman I’m seeing, I asked her casually if she wanted children and she said, “Yes, one way or another.”

I thought it was odd, but I didn’t probe further for clarification. It turns out, now that we are more serious, she can’t have children of her own or carry them. She would be up for adopting, however.

When I asked her how she’d feel about having someone else carry our baby, she looked horrified. She said, “You would have sex with someone else so she could carry our baby?” I said, “No, but my sperm would be used with her.” Then she got the point, but she didn’t like it one bit.

Now we’re not getting along well, at all. I don’t know if I love her anymore, either. She wants to adopt, or nothing. I thought I was in love with her, but I don’t like this cold and stubborn side of her. Please help.

— Want To Be a Daddy, North Kildonan

Dear Want To Be: These fights can get very personal and very ugly. There’s more than one match for people in this world and this kind of disagreement can be a serious deal-breaker. Maybe this lady needs to find another man to adopt babies with, and you need to find another woman who can have your babies.

If you still think you love each other, you’d best see a counsellor and talk it out. There may be a compromise possible yet, or your feelings may have soured towards each other to the point you really need to part and find other partners.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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