Marriage may be over, but the love remains

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/11/2018 (2886 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met my first husband at university when we were in our 20s. He ended up with a stressful job and got into deep trouble with alcohol. In desperation, I threw him out. It was killing me, and the booze was killing him.

He got sober, remarried and had two children.

I ran into him and his family recently. They looked beautiful together. I felt jealous because that was my dream as a bride — he and I and two little kids. Instead, I got the drunken behaviour, the lies, the nasty fights and crying myself to sleep. Then, with my second husband, I got a boring workaholic, very little sex and no kids. I am single now and I’m bitter!

Then something weird happened. He looked at me and made the secret hand gesture we always had with each other across a crowded room that meant “I love you.”

I drove home fast and was sobbing before I even got the key in the door. Why did he do that? I was barely coping with looking at them and then he sent me that secret message. What did he mean by it? What should I do?

— Heartbroken Wreck, Westwood

Dear Wreck: People can love more than one person at a time. If you question that, think of the different kids in a family, or the person who has lost a mate to death and finds a new love.

This old love of yours still remembers what you had before the hell of his alcoholism. Your ex-husband automatically said hello to the young couple you were together, back when you were young, innocent and loving.

That doesn’t mean he wants you back. It’s just a recognition of the love you had together, and lost. Take it as a compliment that he still remembers, not as a come-on. 

All you can do now is stay away from him and let the pain and love feelings that resurfaced settle down again. Here’s hoping you don’t run into him again. And, for goodness’s sake, don’t call him and try to start something.

You need someone similar, but not him. The good news? There are about 100 basic types of men, with variations. You need to identify your type and purposely look for men who fit the bill. A good psychologist could help you figure this out. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend lost it and slapped me right across the face. I walked to the bedroom and packed the clothes I kept at her place and left. We have not talked since. She hit me because I stole some money from her. I don’t blame her.

I’d like to win her back, but it’s like there’s a big stone wall between us now. I don’t dare come to her place, because her brother said he will beat me up, and he’s bigger than me. I am staying at my dad’s and he’s not very happy about it. What do you think? I need help. 

— Blew It, West End

Dear Blew It: Yes, you blew it big time. You could have asked your girlfriend for a loan, or borrowed money from a friend. It’s the sneaky, dishonest move of stealing that has caused this girl to lose her trust in you. And you won’t be getting it back. So pay her back every cent, if you haven’t already, and move on. And don’t expect anything in return. 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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