Patience needed to ride out hard times

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This article was published 12/11/2018 (2882 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When my grandfather came home from the war, still a very young man, my grandma married him, grateful that he was even alive. She said the first years weren’t easy because he suffered psychological effects. Aside from the bad things, he experienced a very exciting life during the war. Coming back to farm life and living on his parents’ land was boring — not enough action and not enough camaraderie.

After a time, his dad sold the farm and my grandparents moved to a busy nearby town. My grandpa got a good job there that was quite social, and the kids were busy growing up. He loved hockey and other sports. According to my grandmother, who liked to tell the family stories, grandpa gradually came right back to life again — out of his depression, and back to being the enjoyable person he was before the war.

It takes patience people don’t seem to have now, to make a lasting marriage. My grandparents are both gone now. I am patient with my husband because my grandmother told me her story, and as she predicted, my husband and I have both gone through some difficult times. Marriage is very long, and that can be a good thing if you can outlast the hard times. If couples who love each other ride out those tough times, they can have a long and happy life together. I guess that’s all I want to say.

— Learned Patience From Grandma

Dear Patience: Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Grandma’s advice may touch more people than you realize. “Patience is a virtue” was an old saying that people used to repeat and believe, but married people today are leading very fast and busy lives with lots of choices as other peoples’ marriages break up more quickly and more partners become available. Sometimes I wonder how many people wish they had worked through their problems and were still married to their first partner.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m having a great time with my grandchildren and would like to quit work in order to be their babysitter while their mom goes to work. My husband says we can’t afford it, and that my career is important for a few more years until I reach the earliest pension age.

I know he’s right, but I’m so angry with him because I will miss all of our grandchildren’s first moments, just like I did with our own kids. Here, I get a second chance and I can’t take it? Also, my daughter-in-law keeps pushing my husband’s agenda to keep me in the workforce and she’s talking about maybe working half-time herself. She wouldn’t have to if I kept the kids every day. What do you think?

— Upset, St. James

Dear Upset: Perhaps your daughter-in-law doesn’t want you to take over as the kids’ full-time day mama, when they are widest awake and things are happening. She needs to be No. 1 with her kids and enjoy all their milestones. It would be better for you to see lots of them on the weekends and give your son and daughter-in-law time to go out shopping or out on a date to keep their own relationship fresh. Maybe you could have the grandkids over once a month for an overnight and give the parents a real romantic break.

Then there’s the money issue. You and your husband probably need your pension more than you realize right now, when the money is easy and comfortable. So put in your short period of time left and enjoy the grandkids, but don’t try to take over from their mom. That won’t help your relationship at all. She hasn’t told you flat out, but be a wise mother-in-law and take the hint before she has to say something that might hurt you both.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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