Lousy lover can learn to be a bedroom hero

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/11/2018 (2868 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went out with a woman for six months after my marriage broke up and then she told me I was a lousy lover. My ex-wife told me the same thing, but I thought she was just trying to hurt my feelings after I caught her cheating.

I had to get to the bottom of this, so I had two stiff drinks and asked my last lover to tell me point-blank what her complaints were. Same as my wife’s, as it turned out! I’m all about myself, use all the same moves and I’m too quick on the trigger. I’m too shy to talk to anybody about this. What do you suggest?

— Loser at Lovemaking, West Kildonan

Dear Loser at Lovemaking: Books on sex techniques and correcting problems are amazing teachers, because you can take them home and they’re private.

You could shop online and have them delivered to your door in discreet wrapping from places like Amazon.

You are lucky because you know what your problems are from two women — a small test trial, but both women are in agreement.

There are shelves of helpful books about lovemaking — from straight to kinky — at local sex shops such as Love Nest. Check out Erotic Passions by Kenneth Ray Stubbs as a romantic lovemaking starter and the still excellent Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking by Alex Comfort.

Go shopping alone and take your time — and your love life could take a happy turn for the better.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend wants sex every morning before breakfast. We started this as a new couple living together and now I’m sick of it. I want sex, not as an appetizer for breakfast, but as the desire arises. Sometimes I don’t want it all!

When I explained this to Dum-Dum, he took it to mean he would still get his appetizer before breakfast and additional extra times “when the feeling arises.” This guy has no idea how serious this has gotten. We were headed for marriage in two years and, now, I don’t think I want to be his wife.

So, this morning I got up before he did and the bed was empty when his alarm clock went off. He came looking for me, but I was already on the sidewalk on my way to work. He said, “What are you doing? Are we breaking up?” I said, “Maybe!” It just flew out of my mouth. We’ve been together since high school and I never thought about breaking up with him.

I don’t know what I want. Maybe I do want out and to experience life like other people in their early 20s. What should I do now?

— Suddenly Free or Foolish, St. James

Dear Suddenly: You two have taken everything for granted and have never really talked. You were first loves who thought it would last forever, but first loves aren’t usually last loves. If you don’t particularly want to work this out, maybe you do want to be free and this will be a good excuse. Perhaps your guy hasn’t thought about being free, either. He’s had a good thing going — a young woman he loves, guaranteed sex every morning and no need to question his love life.

Maybe you want to bust out of your routine and experiment like other young adults do until you find the right person — or realize you already had the right person. You could take a break from the relationship, say three months, and agree to date other people.

If you really love each other, you won’t make it a month. Maybe you need the shakeup, tears and heartache to value what you have.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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