Protect your sex partners, even in the golden years

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/01/2019 (2475 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m an older man, with no sexual impairment and a full head of greying hair.

Since my ex-wife left the scene, I have met some very nice women online. I explain I’m not looking for a serious relationship and I won’t be upset if they see other men too, as long as we’re both honest and take precautions to protect one another.

This morning, a woman knocked on my door and informed me she just learned she has genital herpes and I may have it, too. She apologized and said she didn’t realize she had the problem until this week.

We’d had unprotected sex awhile back because she’s past baby-making age. I’m going for a full range of testing soon — and I’m through with her. She cried and said she would have told me if she thought there was anything to tell.  — Disgusted and Worried, Westwood

Dear Disgusted: Sexually transmitted infections are climbing rapidly with older adults of both sexes, especially with so many people freeing themselves from long-term relationships, or losing a partner to disease or old age.

So, here’s the situation for older casual lovers who are having sex: One needs to use a barrier contraceptive like a male or female condom. It’s no longer about preventing pregnancy — it’s about preventing syphilis, gonorrhea and other sexually transmitted infections.

Having sex with a new partner also requires the two people to talk to each other openly about their sexual histories before doing the deed. If you can be intimate enough to have sex, you can be intimate enough to discuss things that could affect your health before you have sex.

That talk needs to happen early enough that you can take the necessary tests and protect yourself. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a lovely woman about 10 years older than me working at a convention centre show recently. We went out for coffee and were flirting. Then she showed me a photo of her daughter who looked to be about 10 years younger than I am. She had her mother’s good looks, but fresher and younger.

When we went back to the convention centre, her daughter came by and within minutes I just fell for her. I could see there might be a problem, because I was so visibly enamoured with the daughter. 

Now I don’t know what to do. I have both their numbers. I have hesitated to call the daughter because of the possible complications. I also thought of calling the mother to ask permission to ask her daughter out. — Nice Guy, Downtown

Dear Nice Guy: Want to stay a nice guy? Don’t call either of these women.

You must never drive a jealousy wedge between a mother and daughter. They have much more love and history at stake than you do. They could lose a lifelong loving relationship over you.

How would you like it if a woman went after you and then she saw your handsome young son and wanted him, instead — and then pursued him in front of you? This one’s a no-win from start to finish.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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