Turned off by wife’s turned on television

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This article was published 23/01/2019 (2795 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate having the television on all the time in our house. I feel less important when my wife insists on leaving “her shows” on over the supper hour when I want to talk to her.

We are supposed to be honeymooners, but she makes me feel ignored. I’ll be telling her something and she will shush me because she can see something on the overhead kitchen TV that is more interesting.

Yesterday, I grabbed the remote and snapped it off. She grabbed it back and ran into the living room and snapped on the TV there. I just grabbed my jacket and went out for a long drive.

We have been married only 10 months, but she has already turned into her TV-addicted mother.

I went to my mother’s house and she said very little. I always suspected she didn’t think much of my choice for a wife. All she said was, “If this TV thing of hers goes unchecked, it will get worse. Maybe get some counselling.”

I said, “That’s all you’ve got to say? What do you really think?” She said, “I can’t afford to think. There may be grandchildren at stake.”

I walked out of the house muttering, “Not at this rate. My wife is turning into an old woman in front of my eyes.”

I went home and there was my wife, still watching “her shows,” with a look of triumph in her eyes, as if saying “you’re not going to boss me around.” If we weren’t already married, I’d have been out of there.

Don’t ask me why I married her. I think it was because she was exceptionally good-looking and fun — if there’s no TV around.

— Married to a TV-holic, Selkirk

Dear Married: This is precisely the time you go to a marriage/relationship counsellor — when you hit a first big crisis in a marriage and you are thinking about walking out.

Right now, you can’t even remember why you loved your wife enough to marry her.

Go see a counsellor alone first and get all your anger out. Then return with your wife and work this problem out. She will have some problems with you too, by now.

It is not insurmountable, this TV addiction, but it has to be addressed right now.

You don’t just walk out on a hockey game because the first period didn’t go well. There are lots of adjustment fights when people first live together. This is your first big one. Get professional help and get the marriage back on track as soon as you can.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is so weird. I came home after a few months touring Europe with a university buddy and now we’re hardly speaking to each other. It’s like we’re strangers. You’d think we’d be so close, but we aren’t. Can you just run out of friendship after a trip like that, where you spent every day together?

— Shocked, Fort Richmond

Dear Shocked: When you spend 24-7 with anyone you can just get “tired” of them for a time.

Siblings report this and think nothing of it. It doesn’t mean you will never be friends again with this guy, so don’t go picking a fight.

It may mean you need a break from each other.

In two months, call him up and see if it’s time to get together for a drink and talk about your trip.

Maybe it is — and maybe it still isn’t. If he says no, ask him if there is anything wrong. He may say no and that he just needs to see other friends for a while.

Maybe you talked about every little thing when you were away and just need to build up some new experiences to share. Or, it may be you just got on his nerves. It sometimes happens to people on prolonged trips.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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