Drunken confession stirs up jealousy

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This article was published 28/01/2019 (2471 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband and I recently did something stupid. After six months of marriage, we got drunk and decided to tell each other all the dirty details about our former boyfriends and girlfriends — with no penalty.

It didn’t bother him to hear my stories, but now his stories are bothering me so badly, I can’t sleep at night. The worst one is he slept with my older sister for about a month, two years before he started seeing me. I never knew they had a secret fling. I am deep-down jealous about this and it’s eating me up. I want to slap her face! Now, every time we go to family get-togethers I’ll think he’s remembering being in bed with my sister. He swears it’s all a blur and he can’t even remember it. I’ll bet. Now what should I do?

— Jealous of My Sister, Exchange District

Dear Jealous: One of the least-jealous people I ever met is a man who is just fine meeting his wife’s ex-boyfriends. He sees himself as the winner of the race to marry the woman who’s now his wife. He feels sorry for the poor losers who didn’t win her! This is the attitude you must take. You are acting like you didn’t win this guy, when you already have!

Your sister didn’t appeal to him, though she had first crack at him. He doesn’t want her, and he knows that for sure, or he wouldn’t have confessed to the fling. You’re the winner here, so stop fretting.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t understand these stupid people who write you all the time asking how they can get someone to love them who doesn’t. I have no time for people who dislike me. It’s like shoe shopping. I try on different pairs, and if they don’t fit, I take them off and look for a different pair. No point forcing yourself into a bad fit. What do you think? Why are people so determined to be dumb about this?

— Nobody’s Fool, Steinbach

Dear Nobody’s Fool: It isn’t that people are stupid. They want love returned from the people they’re deeply attracted to, and that’s the problem. They may not be that other person’s type, and they might waste a good part of their lives chasing after people who will never be attracted to them.

Then, sometimes, people are mutually attracted but find the new person is so nasty, irresponsible or just plain boring, that they would make terrible long-term partners.

You can learn to change a certain amount of your personal taste through counselling. Still, there is often a natural physical attraction to a certain type that’s hard to change. You may notice that sometimes a second wife or husband closely resembles the first.

We all know of certain entertainers who have married multiple times and picked three or four mates who looked like each other. Why? They fit their image of a person they imagine as their mate — body type, colouring, voice, laugh and personality traits. These are often based on a first love, family member, teacher or a combination of a few people they have admired.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am a small person but ate a full five-course dinner for my birthday to please my husband, and then threw up. My man was horrified, not sympathetic at all. He was disgusted and acted like he wanted me to somehow stuff it back down my gullet.

He kept going on and on about how much it cost with the wine — OK, quite a lot. You’d think my husband was a pauper, but he has a very good job. He was also mad at me for telling him, in front of the restaurant staff, to shut his big mouth. He says we can never go back there again. Big deal. What should I tell him? He’s still sulking. I have no words.

— Not Sorry Wife, Southdale

Dear Not Sorry: Tell him you have a small digestive system and a five-course dinner is too much, so it made you throw up. Tell him it’s no one’s fault, but you would not want to go to another dinner with that many courses, unless you split it with him. And tell him he let you down with his unsympathetic reaction.

Then let the matter go. If he continues to bring it up, tell him you have “no further comment” and change the subject. Good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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