Is wife showering away evidence of affair?

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This article was published 26/03/2019 (2419 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is acting strangely when she gets home from work. She rushes by me and goes straight to the shower.

Last night, when I couldn’t sleep, I remembered an old roommate who had a couple of girlfriends at once and used to come home and shower immediately. Then he’d go out a bit later to meet another woman. He was a sex hound and told me one day that’s how he made sure the next woman didn’t find out about the last one. He said women have a keen sense of smell and it’s smart to “get rid of any trace of the competition.”

My wife is done work at 3 p.m., but for the last two months hasn’t been getting home until around 6 p.m. I’m often making dinner when she turns up with fast excuses about everything she had to do after work. She doesn’t even hug and kiss me before jumping in the shower to “freshen up.”

I’m getting suspicious and see parallels between my wife and my old roommate. Do you think she’s cheating on me, or am I overreacting?

— Washing Away The Evidence? West End

Dear Evidence: If you can keep your wording and attitude neutral, it’s worth asking your wife what she’s doing from 3 to 6 p.m. that makes her feel she needs to shower. Tell her you miss kissing her and talking when she comes in the door. Don’t be rude or loud, just talk to her in a normal voice.

If she stalls and says something like, “Why do you ask?” you might tell her about your old roomie. Do this when you’re sitting across from her at dinner and watch her facial expressions.

If she’s at ease and tells you that you’re an idiot and has a plausible explanation, you might relax. She may even be getting fresh for you after a day’s work because she wants more lovin’ from you than she’s been getting.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate too much spicy stuff on a first date with a gorgeous new guy, and accidentally belched so loudly other people looked around. It was not a ladylike sound and was followed by other “air expressions,” as my mother used to call them.

At first belch my date laughed, but what followed in the next hour from both ends turned him off so badly he said, “It’s clear you’re having stomach problems and I’m going to take you home.”

I know he’ll never call me back. I realize it was probably the pre-dinner drinks at home and at the restaurant that caused me not to watch my diet. When I met him at the restaurant I was already a little tipsy. I know I can’t eat spicy foods and onions without trouble, but did it anyway, like I sometimes do when I’m drunk.

Should I call him and apologize and try for another date, my treat? Or would talking about my problem just make things worse?

— Blew It? North End

Dear Blew It: Unless you think you just blew it with your future husband, let it rest. This guy went from attracted to disgusted and took you home early.

You skip quickly over your pre-dinner drinking. Being “tipsy” makes some people think they’re very funny and entertaining when they’re not. You’d be wise to write off drinking before dates and think about the changes it brings out in you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love at a very young age. I’ve heard of teenage marriages from my great aunt who says they were quite common in the late 1950s and ‘60s.

My girlfriend and I have access to all kinds of birth control (my mom’s a nurse) and we’re not religious, so we don’t need to get married to have sex. But my girl comes from a broken home and wants to start a family and pictures me coming home from work to her and the kids. It’s a scene I don’t want at my age. I want to become a doctor, which is about seven years of university. I told her this the other night and she started to cry. She said she can’t wait that long.

We’re in Grade 12 and I know for sure I want to go to the University of Manitoba in the fall. She has no plans and we live in a small town. I don’t know what to say to her. She wants to come to Winnipeg with me and get a job. I’m afraid of getting trapped by her into a pregnancy and losing my dream of becoming a doctor. Please help.

— Worried Guy

Dear Worried: Your girlfriend needs encouragement to explore career options until she finds something that excites her. She needs to know that marriage and babies can be her second dream, but for now she needs a career, or she won’t be a suitable partner for a guy like you.

Don’t apologize for your ambitions, explaining that if you gave it all up for any old job to support her dream to have babies, you’d be so disappointed, you might end up resenting her.

She may end up staying in your hometown and marrying a guy who wants what she wants. You’ll have to accept that may be best for her, and you two just can’t continue as couple.

Both of you need to know that people can love more than one person in a lifetime, and you may be each other’s first love, but not last.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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