High-stress job takes toll on marriage

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This article was published 31/03/2019 (2414 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a new staff and the work we do is very personal. We often have people in tears, and we ourselves are moved to tears at times, and need to talk through a terrible event after work hours. As the leader, I try not to get over-involved with staff emotionally, but I guess I don’t know where to draw the line.

My wife says we aren’t going to have a personal life left soon because she is sharing so much of me with my staff. She’s not wrong. Recently, staff have been phoning me at home on weekends to talk over things that happened at work. Because I’m a friendly person, they seem to think it’s OK.

My wife wants to have a one-on-one relationship with me on my off hours. More and more it feels like the phone rings and I can’t say no. How do I draw the line when my wife feels so unimportant and neglected? I don’t want to lose her.

— Bad Husband, Westwood

Dear Bad: Can you take turns with staff supporting each other by phone on weekends? That way you can carve some space out for you and your wife. If she loses you just one weekend a month it’s better than the situation you have now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Sex isn’t all it’s made out to be. I’m a newlywed and my wife is at me all the time for sex. She never had a close sexual relationship before me. She is in her early 20s and very religious.

We don’t use birth control because she wants whatever children God sends us and on His schedule. But whoa! That girl of mine can’t get enough of what God invented for procreation. I’m tired and drained. She has jumped on me every day at least once or twice since we got married six months ago.

She went to a sex shop and brought back a book and some toys. She wants to try everything and I have to tell you, it’s not so much about cuddling and loving as it is about playing games — weird stuff for a straight-shooter like me. Please help.

— Nice Guy, Fort Garry

Dear Nice Guy: This will calm down with the first baby, so you might want to ride it out and play along with your eager wife. Do beg for a couple of nights off a week, just to get your strength back. If you two are acting like bunnies and everything’s a go in the baby-making areas of your young bodies, she will likely be pregnant within the year. As long as you want babies too, this could be the answer to your prayers.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m really embarrassed at what my place looks like. I’m a slob. There’s no nice word for it. I even have a motorcycle in one room, with parts all over the place. The bathroom is scary and I’m embarrassed to bring a woman home.

This freedom is what I dreamed of when I was married to my neatnik wife. Now we’re divorced, and I have all the freedom I could want — and that’s the problem. I have filled the house right up. I only have room for my bed in the bedroom, but no woman would want to venture in there. So what should I do?

— Blowing It as a Bachelor, North Kildonan

Dear Blowing It: Got a secure garage? Spring is here and you need to get the motorcycle and parts out of the house, pronto. Right now you’re so overwhelmed, you’re not doing anything at all. Move all the unnecessary “toys” out to the garage, and you will free up enough room for a cleaning service to get to work. Make your home a place a woman would want to come for dinner and, who knows, a romantic evening.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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