Vindictive ex complicates life with new man

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This article was published 30/03/2019 (2415 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My heart is hurting because my kids don’t support my breakup with their father, who is a polite, passionless alcoholic. They only see their dad as a lonely guy. And now, I have a boyfriend!

My sons are cold to my new man, who is (unfortunately) the father of one of their hockey teammates. His ex is still bitter two years after their divorce. She’s the type to stay angry for life! Now she’s saying ugly things to her young boy about me, and he’s passing it along to my sons. 

To this rudeness, I say life is too short, and let bygones be bygones. I’m in my late 30s with a very positive attitude. I’m not bitter about my ex-husband — goodbye and fare thee well.

My new man and I are both athletic and positive thinkers and involved in sales and self-improvement. We look to the future, not to the past. How do we change the situation with this nasty woman?

— Sick of Her Troublemaking, Southdale

Dear Sick: Let’s be fair. You are the thorn in her side. She may still want her ex-husband back, or she may just not want him to have a love in his life. She feels you came along and aggravated the pain and trouble in her world. Until she gets a new man who outshines her old one, she may stay really cranky about you.

How can you make this easier on your sons? It’s not good these kids are stuck close together when they are upset, and their mothers seem to be arch-enemies.

The good news? Hockey will wind up soon. Then there’s a break. It’s not uncommon for kids to play hockey in neighbourhoods other than their own. Is that a possibility for your sons?

Look, the kids didn’t ask for this divorce, on either side, but they’re too young to work out the troubles in their friendship. It’s up to you to help them avoid this extra contact through hockey — if they’re willing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a really cool woman online recently. We have had a few get-togethers that ended up in the bedroom, but no post-sex cuddling or overnight stays. I’ve offered to make her the best champagne breakfast ever, but she politely declines and goes home. 

The oddest thing is she has never let me pick her up at her place, even though she’s taken a cab to my house and knows everything about me. I’m a free talker, with nothing to hide. She’s virtually a stranger to me other than sharing music and dancing and having a wonderful time in my bedroom. One of my buddies suggested she may belong to somebody else, and is just messing around with me. How do I check this out?

— Being Played? Sage Creek

Dear Being Played: Sounds like you’re not first violin in her little orchestra. Ask her in an even voice why she doesn’t ask you over to her place or stay the night at yours, and then listen quietly for the answer. 

She may have a perfectly good reason, involving self-protection. But you have been open with her, and she doesn’t seem afraid of you. One has to wonder why she’s coming to your place so easily and then taking off. Screw up your courage and ask her if she’s seeing other people or if she has a steady boyfriend, girlfriend or if she is married.

It’s time to stop playing games. If you like her a lot and want to be more than just a plaything, she needs to start being honest with you. 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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