Put brain to work to find woman of your dreams

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This article was published 29/03/2019 (2416 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a beautiful, funny, intelligent woman at a sales meeting and kept her talking for an hour after I made the sale. I didn’t want her to leave.

Finally, I asked her out for dinner, and she said she couldn’t because she had to go home to her husband and kids. (She wore no rings.)

Then she patted my hand, and said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got some unmarried sisters!” and we both laughed.

An hour later, I was getting depressed. I realized I want someone just like her, and was feeling sorry for myself because she was taken.

Should I risk looking like a desperate idiot and ask this woman if she’d introduce me to her sisters? I know that sounds weird, but I’m not kidding. — Wanting a Woman Like This, Broadway

Dear Wanting: You could make an effort to become this woman’s friend, but that might heat up your feelings for her. She was probably kidding about meeting her sisters, anyway. And how would you turn that huge crush into a platonic friendship? You have a business relationship now, with money involved, so it’s complicated.

The best thing you can take away from this experience is to write down every single detail you liked about this woman and memorize it. Copy the notes on a tiny card you keep in your wallet.

Once you have a template memorized, your brain’s sorting mechanism, the reticular activating system (RAS), will work to help you. The RAS is the reason you, for instance, become interested in a specific new car and then start seeing it everywhere in traffic.

Soon, your brain will start buzzing when you meet the right kind of woman.

And make sure you always look good in the coming months so you’ll be ready to attract the women who attract you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Loving is about the only thing left I can do. I’ve tried hating my drinking spouse (doesn’t work), cutting him out of my life and sending him back to his family (doesn’t work).

I’ve kicked him out and then let him come back after he’s promised to dry out and quit the drugs (doesn’t work).

He’s a really nice man and I love him, but he’s useless at keeping a job and I will spend my life supporting him. I don’t want to have kids with him. All I can do is love him.

I don’t like him or respect him or want to make love with him anymore, and he says that’s part of the problem — being rejected makes him drink more.

What do you suggest? My friends and family are no help and I have lost some of them over staying with this man I love more than anything. Please help! — In Love With Alcoholic Man, Wolseley

Dear In Love: Al-Anon is for people like you who can’t cut ties and walk away from the addict they love. This would be a place where you’d meet other people with the same problem who are learning techniques to preserve the quality of their own lives. They also need to limit the damage done to themselves and others within the family.

You’ll also find people who understand what you are going through and are not critical. You can learn more by calling Al-Anon at 204-943-6051.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It was melting and I made a snowball (OK, it was a little icy) and playfully threw it at my girlfriend and hit her in the head. I thought she was looking at me and would duck, but she didn’t.

She was really shocked and upset and her glasses were bent. I apologized over and over, but she was crying and told me to go away. She straightened her glasses, got in her car and drove off without me.

Then I got mad. I had to walk to an ATM to get money for a cab. This was a clear case of overreacting and I now think she needs to apologize to me.

It’s been three days and she hasn’t phoned. Her best friend (another guy) told me “not to be expecting a call anytime soon.” He said that came straight from the horse’s mouth.

Should I dump the horse? She seems to have no sense of humour. — Not Impressed, Westwood

Dear Not Impressed: Three days is a long time, and this may be feeling like a real breakup. Call her and ask if that is the case. If the answer is yes, have one more conversation with her, and if she wants you gone, so be it.

Sometimes there just isn’t enough love involved to get a couple over a hurdle like this. It isn’t worth begging over a snowball.

If this is a power game on her part and she’s enjoying seeing you suffer, she may do a quick turnaround if you readily agree to end the relationship. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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