Keep it formal with flirty mom-in-law

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/04/2020 (2330 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother-in-law is a beautiful lady in her late 50s and she’s living with us at our house for the duration of the “quarantine,” so she won’t be lonely. She gave up her apartment, at our insistence. I work at home, and my wife goes in to work.

I adore her in the mother-in-law sense, but I was getting the idea she was starting to “adore” me in the other sense. When her daughter’s at work, and I’m working at home, “mom” is always looking for reassurance and compliments. In her youth, she was a tall, busty bombshell. Finally, the flirting was getting too much, so I took a big breath and addressed her on the subject.

She got on her high horse — acting shocked I would even suggest she was flirting with me — but now she’s getting out of her low-cut nightie and into regular pants and a sporty shirt before 10 a.m. I think she still wants me to see a few minutes of what a woman I’m missing. No need! I have the younger version, and I’m very grateful for her. I won’t let anybody mess with that treasure in my life.

Yesterday, my darling wife asked me in bed — where I’m completely agreeable to almost any adventure — if we might consider inviting her mom to live with us after the quarantine. I blurted out a very startled, “No way!” and she went silent.

Then she said, suspiciously, “Why? Has she pulled anything?” I asked her why she’d think that, and she said in a little-girl whisper: “Because she did it once, a long time ago.” I knew she and her mother had to go to counselling years ago, but I didn’t know why. They seemed to be good friends now.

I said, “She’s nothing but flirty and seems to need a man’s attention, and, anyway, I want you to myself privately, all over this house again.” She kind of laughed and accepted that. But, the next day and ever since, she’s been abnormally quiet. What should I do now?

— Feeling Awkward, Fort Rouge

Dear Awkward: You have said and done some of the right things. Now tell your wife frankly that when her mother got a little flirty, you shut her right down! She needs to hear that (and it’s the truth). Mom-in-law also needs to know right now she’ll be moving out again, when it’s safe to do so. You and your wife will help your mom start looking around for a nice place to live in a month or so — you may need lead-time.

As for you, if your working space is an empty bedroom and has a door, shut it when you’re working, explaining you have a very serious work project to take care of. If your mother-in-law asks if she can bring you coffee, tea or lunch, then come out and visit for 15 minutes — pleasant and courteous — like you would with a co-worker. And that’s it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband goes for long car rides and doesn’t invite me. I’d like to come, and have asked him, but he says he needs to get away on his own sometimes and just “let his thoughts wander.” I think three-hour car rides are too long, don’t you?

I don’t know where he goes, and when I ask him, he just says something like “here and there.” I think that’s suspicious. I should mention he had an affair when the kids were young and still at home, and I wasn’t paying much attention to him, except to complain. I love him more than anything — always have — so we stayed together, and he said she was gone for good.

I know that SHE (we never used her name in conversation) is still not married to anyone, because I have a friend who knows her and where she lives. Maybe I’m starting to lose my mind but I’m wondering if there’s a new woman or if it’s the old one — or if there is anyone at all.

Should I have my friend follow him? He always leaves here for rides after dinner at about 7:30 p.m. My friend could be hiding around the corner in her car, and she’s game to do it. I just need to know.

— Going Crazy, Westwood

Dear Going Crazy: And what will you do once you know? It sounds like you don’t ever want to leave this man. If you “out” him twice, you’re in a position where one person generally has had enough. What if he left you this time? If your girlfriend discovers him cheating, she’ll be wanting you to leave him, whether you want to or not.

You’d actually be best to check him out to see if he’s with the woman from the former affair all by yourself. Drive over to the old girlfriend’s neighbourhood 30 minutes after he leaves your house, and drive up and down the streets and back alleys immediately surrounding her house. Check her garage if you can. Most people don’t hide very carefully.

Not there? A second spy ride means you can’t take your car, or you’ll risk being seen following your husband. You’ll have to ask your “detective” friend to help, by following him in her car alone. Who knows, maybe his car will end up at another woman’s house — or maybe he’s out for an innocent three-hour drive. Yawn!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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