Light-fingered ‘friend’ used and compromised you

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/07/2022 (1553 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: One of my lifelong friends came to see me where I work — a high-end clothing store. Normally, I’d carry the customer’s expensive items into the change room myself, quietly noting them all, but she was a trusted friend over many years, and I was with another client when she arrived.

So, I let her do it herself. I’m well-trained, so I did glance over and notice what all she took in. But, when she came out, some of the expensive clothing did not. After she left, I went into the change room, hoping she’d left the missing items in there. Nothing! Then I knew what must have happened. She was actually shoplifting, and taking advantage of my trust and friendship. She is not struggling financially, and has lots of money. Should I confront her?

— Used and Upset, Winnipeg

Dear Used and Upset: Know this much — you would not be turning in a friend. She stopped being your friend the moment she started planning to use you. She could have shoplifted somewhere else, but she chose to pull one over on you and possibly get you fired.

You may be an ultra-sensitive person and not want to see this friend actually in trouble with the law, but she may need actual consequences to shock her into getting treatment.

Right now, she may be addicted to the thrill of the dastardly deed, and that’s all that matters. Getting the stolen goods past you, a friend, may have amped up the adrenalin factor for her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My young husband is so upset with me that he’s completely turned me off sexually.

I came back from my hair appointment three weeks ago, looking like a brand new me — and I loved it. I’ve had long hair for as far back as I can remember. Having all my heavy hair cut off was so freeing and I was excited to show my husband my new look.

When I walked into the house, his knee-jerk reaction was: “You look like a lesbian!” What?

He said, “You better get yourself a wig if you want me to go anywhere near you!” Now he never misses a chance to call me a guy’s name. We haven’t made love since.

I’ve never seen this side of him before, and it frightens me. He’s become nasty and cold, and it makes me feel ugly in his eyes. I’ve tried talking to him, but he won’t listen. What can I do? Please help.

— Short Hair Shock, Transcona

Dear Short Hair: Your man is having a dramatic, almost fearful, overreaction to a short haircut. The hairstyle — even though it’s on a woman — seem to be bringing up homosexual concerns for him. That isn’t your problem, but he’s trying to shift the blame onto you. As long as he jeers at you, and pulls away sexually, he won’t have to face up what’s really going on inside himself.

What person or experience does the short haircut remind him of? Rather than letting him keep on like this, ask him to talk to a psychologist, and also volunteer to go for relationship counselling, with him or without him. Whatever you do, don’t stay under the same roof if he won’t get help and continues this abuse.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was out in the country pondering some very difficult decisions when, on a whim, I parked the car. I started walking down some railway tracks to think.

I’d only walked about 20 minutes when I spotted another man coming towards me, with his head down. When we got close, he stopped, smiled and said hello. I stopped, too. Then he took out two canned drinks cans from his backpack, and motioned me to sit down on the grass near the tracks.

We ended up talking for a long time. He was the smartest man I ever met. He really helped me with my aimless life and two major decisions I had to make.

Then he just said it was time for him to go, and walked back in the direction he came.

I want to see him again, but he never said where he lived. Should I try to look for him, maybe in the town near where we met up?

— Wanting to Talk Again, rural Manitoba

Dear Wanting: I’ve been told by quite a few people over the years that “strangers” have come along, when they were trying to puzzle out difficulty in their lives. The stranger asks some questions, imparts the wisdom needed and then departs. Some spiritual people call these folks “angels.” Other people just call them “chance meetings.”

I don’t know what to call it, but I do know this much: It’s pointless to try to chase these messengers down again. They didn’t give you their name, because it wasn’t necessary to the task of helping you in the moment.

Just shake your head, smile and be glad for the help. We don’t have to understand or nail down everything in this world.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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