Mask confrontations not worth the stress

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/05/2022 (1566 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have to get this rant out. So many people are saying, “I don’t care if you wear a mask or not. Do what makes you feel comfortable.”

I do feel better when I wear a mask! So, while I was wearing my mask at my local grocery store, a maskless woman looked at me and gave me an exaggerated eye-roll.

At first, I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed. Then something instantly came over me, and with my big eyes, I gave her an eye-roll in return!

As she walked away, she laughed, and muttered, “Sheep.”

Why is it that she felt the need to be a mask bully? What is it with people sticking their unwanted noses in other people’s personal decisions?

— End of Rant, Winnipeg

Dear Rant: Sadly, one of the leftover bad behaviours from more than two divisive COVID years is some people feeling the freedom to bully.

Ironically, in your situation, the person wearing the mask (you), was the one doing most of the protecting — and for the maskless woman.

What could you have done differently?

Mimicking her eye-rolling didn’t work as it played into her bid to start a fight with you. But, winking your eye at her, would have utterly confused her. Then you’d have had the laugh.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My youngest son is having trouble with reading, and it’s starting to cause problems in our family. My other son picked up reading with very little effort, so my partner and I are at a loss for what to do.

At first, the oldest tried to help, but he quickly got frustrated and started teasing his younger brother for not being able to get it. We tried to curb that behaviour when we saw it. It certainly didn’t help the little one learn.

Our youngest isn’t stupid, but he’s clearly not getting it, and has developed coping mechanisms like memorizing sections once he hears them. Recently, he just gets frustrated and refuses to continue when we try to work with him.

I feel like his teachers are judging us for not doing enough to get him reading, but we’re stressed to the max ourselves. We both work a lot. If we spend too much time trying to get the youngest one reading, the oldest “acts out” for attention. It’s exhausting and we’re lost. What can we do?

— Desperate Parents, Fort Rouge

Dear Desperate: First, ask to see your little guy’s test results from the school to find out as much as you can about his specific reading problems. Also, get his vision re-tested with an eye specialist. Are different aspects changing? What else could be done to help him visually?

Then look into outside tutoring with a reading specialist. Inquire everywhere — the school, the school division and the province about available services. You might also consider private tutoring if you can afford it.

Parents sometimes aren’t suited to tutor their children because of the deep emotions involved. First, there’s the child’s embarrassment at not being able to read easily like his sibling. Then, there’s that blood factor. The child can immediately sense your frustrations, more than he can with any teacher.

Perhaps the hardest thing for your child now is that reading is taking precedence at home, over fun toys and his big brother playing with him. He really needs a long break this summer to rebuild his confidence by doing things he’s naturally good at.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother died a few years ago, and at the time we all said, “Dad will never meet another woman like Mom in his life. I guess he’ll be alone for good.”

Well, me and my sisters are all in shock now. Dad has found another woman from the old country who already lives here in Winnipeg, and we don’t know how to feel about it.

She’s “nice,” but she’ll never take Mom’s place in our hearts! Dad kept asking us, “Do you like her?” and it felt like such a rude question.

Finally, I said pretty loudly, “Give us a chance to get over losing Mom first, please!”

He hasn’t brought her over since that, and we have hardly seen him since. (I hear he’s still seeing her.)

Have my sisters and I lost our dad now, by being cold to his new “girlfriend?” What should we do?

— Missing our Dad, The Maples

Dear Missing Dad: Your father has loved you too long to stop loving you now, but he needs you to reach out to him. You made him feel ashamed and embarrassed — and perhaps rejected.

Please understand this: He was lonely after your mother died and it was not wrong of him to want to feel alive again. This woman is his new friend. His feelings for her cannot be as deep as the love he had for his wife and the mother of his children.

Don’t begrudge him his new companion. Treat her nicely, and get to know her. Don’t think about your father somehow putting your mom in second place. That’s not how it works. She will always be there in his heart in a special place.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.