Time to be up-front about financial worries

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/05/2020 (2329 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend and I have lived together for about three years now and his inability to save money — not one cent, ever — is shocking. We are in our mid-20s, and while I don’t expect him to save thousands of dollars, he definitely spends more than he earns. It’s driving me crazy. Since he lost his job a month ago, he got a lump sum of financial assistance from his parents — and he just went out and bought a new laptop. I’m fuming, and he doesn’t understand why! He just plays games all day instead. I’m starting to think he may not be “the one,” but we live together and I worry about how much work it will take to separate our lives. What do I do?

— Seriously Turned Off, Norwood

Dear Turned Off: This guy is not husband and father material, and after his displays of irresponsibility, do you really want to be tied up with him? What if you get pregnant and are suddenly bearing the child, plus supporting him?

Consider getting out right now before he’s in so much financial trouble you’re on the hook for all the common bills, not to mention all the food. You might consider this bubble time together as a last-ditch effort with him.

Don’t let it be a secret! Let him know exactly how you feel, what you want him to do differently if he doesn’t want to lose you, and what your plans are for the future in regard to work and having a family. Who cares if he hasn’t proposed? It’s 2020. You can mention marriage anytime you like.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad is completely brainwashed by all this “pandemic stuff,” as he calls it, and thinks the coronavirus is one huge conspiracy. I’m not surprised, as he isn’t especially bright, but he is my dad, and I hate watching him change.

He used to be such a happy-go-lucky guy and now he is consumed with anger and constantly thinks the government is trying to hurt him. I don’t know what to do. I feel like there isn’t anything I can do. He is just so upset and rude to people these days; it’s like he’s a different person. Do I just sit back and let him run his course? So far, talking about it has only made him more upset.

— Son of Mr. Paranoid, Westwood

Dear Son of Mr. P.: Certainly, anyone prone to paranoia could be swept along by conspiracy types, who pop up in annoying numbers when something that’s frightening and new comes along. They try to deny the dangers, rather than work rationally to limit them. If the danger doesn’t really exist, they think, they don’t have to deal with their fears or obey the safety rules.

As you probably know, paranoia can be part of a number of psychological ailments. Is your dad that far along? Does he need medical help? If so, your mom should speak to his doctor and try to get him in for an appointment.

If he’s just being a pain for you and your family, address the rudeness factor with Pop and refuse to accompany him where he’s likely to offend people. Say something like: “Sorry, dad, but after the last time we were out together and you were rude to that man about wearing gloves and a mask, I can’t accompany you.”

When he realizes he’s not gaining any allies in his family — and in fact become an embarrassment — he might back down.

You might also warn him about preaching his conspiracy theory to others, as nobody appreciates volunteer preaching, not to mention arguing about another person’s beliefs. He will lose friend after friend.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My neighbour threatened my dog again this week, and I’m really worried. My boyfriend is a big guy and wants to go over and knock the guy out, but that’s a bad idea for obvious reasons. Not to mention this crazy neighbour doesn’t seem to be intimidated by the size of my boyfriend, so I don’t think there is much that will stop him. He hates my dogs because they run around in my backyard and bark sometimes.

I don’t leave them out there for long periods of time, but somehow this crazy old man next door has a problem with it. He told me he was “going to do something about it.” So far nothing has happened, but this guy has nothing to lose, and I love my dogs. What can someone do in a situation like this?

— Worrying About My Dog’s Safety, Charleswood

Dear Worrying: Take the threat to your dog seriously. Dog-haters can be dangerous, and chuck things over the fence, such as poisoned meat. A dog could eat it and become very ill.

Somebody may have to move, and it appears to be you. In the meantime, treat your beloved pets like apartment dogs and take them out for lots of walks, but don’t leave them in your backyard if you’re not with them. Also, you should contact the City of Winnipeg’s Animal Services Agency and see what they have to say about threats to your dogs — idle or not — and try to be precise about the neighbour’s wording. They will tell you what can be done about it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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