Walk back overreaction to son’s new girlfriend

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This article was published 03/11/2020 (2163 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My son has just informed me his new girlfriend of three months has two small children who are “very cute.” He asked me if I wanted to meet the three of them. I stood there with my mouth open, and finally said, “Someday.” He looked at me disgusted, and said, “Don’t do us any favours!” and left, roaring out the driveway.

He’s only 22, and this young woman is a few years older. I heard a month ago she had been married and her husband was nasty. There was no mention of children then.

My boy is a gentle and kind man. He has four years to go for the career he wants in medicine. She is a nurse, and can support her family, I hope. But I’d bet she needs some financial input! I haven’t heard from him since, and my husband says it’s my own fault for being so cold about meeting his lady and her kids. In fact, my husband has spoken to our son several times since, and is going to meet them on the weekend.

When I said, “Am I invited, too?” he said, “Maybe next time. I wouldn’t want you to come before you’re ready and bring the temperature down in the room.” Really! My mouth fell open, I was so mad.

I’ve calmed down since. How do I get this family back on an even footing? I’m not used to being the odd one out. This young woman must think I’m an ogre. I guess I am a bit possessive of my boy and the future he has mapped out for himself. What do you suggest?

— Mom Left Out in the Cold, North Kildonan

Dear Mom: First, he’s no longer your boy at 22. He’s old enough to be married, and could be a husband and father sooner than you think.

Apologize to your son. He brought you the big news about his new lady and you didn’t offer up the words he was hoping for, such as: “Of course, I’d like to meet her and her little children. When can they come?”

You hint that he’s going to be a doctor or scientist in a few years. That’s probably not going to change with his lady friend working as a nurse if this relationship works out for him. You certainly aren’t making it easier. This young woman has enough on her plate, without the possibility of a cold and possessive new mother-in-law.

If your husband had asked if you could come at the last minute, it might have looked like he dragged you. Now you can quiz him when he comes back. You should try to get yourself into a different state of mind. Trust your son to pick a nice lady, and see those children as a bonus.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Some people are so ignorant. I was in line at a well-known store — socially distanced, masked, minding my own business — when this woman tried to push in front of me in the line, saying her kid had to go get through fast and go to the bathroom! The boy was crying “No, I don’t. You always say that, mommy!”

I didn’t let her in, but I turned to her and said, “Do you always use that line to get ahead in the line?” and she yanked the kid behind her leg to shut him up. I feared for his little bottom when they got outside! How do you handle people you know are lying to beat you out of your place in the line?

— Feeling Bad for the Kid, Fort Richmond

Dear Feeling Bad: If the mother is a huckster, and she’s using her child to get ahead somehow — and you’re not in a hurry — think of the poor kid’s life with her, and just let it go.

There are a few rotten mothers in this world and my sympathies are for the kids dragged along and used, no matter how fussy and annoying those kids may seem.

What’s 10 minutes of waiting in your life, which has to be better than theirs?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
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