Come up with a real plan to quit smoking this time

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This article was published 29/12/2015 (3905 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My partner and I are fighting about New Year’s again. He thinks I’m stupid for making a New Year’s resolution to quit smoking for the fourth time since I just fall off the wagon two weeks later.

This morning over breakfast I asked him why it was his damn business anyway, and he said, “Because every year I get my hopes up you’ll quit smoking, and then you don’t and I lose respect for you. I’m mad because you’re going to get lung cancer and drop dead from smoking.” Then I shouted, “What about you? You don’t even try to lose the 50 pounds off your fat gut you gained when you quit smoking, and don’t even try to lose weight for two lousy weeks of the year. You’re dangerously fat! You need to make big changes in your life and make no effort whatsoever.”

We are barely talking now. Please help.

— Still Furious, East Kildonan

Dear Still Furious: Working from the premise that the only person you can change is yourself, here’s a way one woman I know who was 100 pounds overweight and depressed made a big difference in her life that has now lasted two years. Her New Year’s resolutions had an aspect of fun to them. Her resolutions were: 1. Shine. To that end, she wore fun clothes and lots of jewelry she bought at thrift stores. She was always the best-dressed woman in the room, which gave her instant confidence. 2. Act. She couldn’t trust herself to lose weight through dieting and exercise alone, so she forced the action by joining Weight Watchers, a gym, aquasize classes and a ballet class, and that kept her moving all week. 3. Connect. She was a women with a computer job — she worked at home, lonely and alone — so she started working out of a coffee shop with Wi-Fi half days and met the regulars. She got a feeling of working out of a happy office. She also made a point of inviting friends there for coffee at end of day. 4. Ask. “Even if you don’t think you have a chance in hell, ask for what you want,” she says. She’s single so that included asking men for dates and asking people for additional freelance jobs. As a little adventure, she asked people questions they might think too impertinent to answer. She is going into her third year of keeping these resolutions.

So, how can you quit smoking this year? Don’t just talk about a resolution; this time go to the doctor and ask for all the help you can get and find out what different stop-smoking products you can safely use at once. Join a gym and you’ll love being able to breathe, exercise and watch TV at the same time. Use headphones with music you like and you’ll enjoy walking. Take classes that happen in water and you won’t be able to smoke while you’re splashing around.

Do as many things at once as you can this time to quit smoking, not just talking and trying to go cold turkey.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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