Call flasher’s bluff and see if curtains close

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/04/2016 (3512 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young guy and have my own apartment. I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment, so take that into consideration when I tell you what’s happening. I live in a block right beside another one that’s identical. My bedroom window looks across at a woman’s who never closes the curtains to her bedroom and often looks out the window. I have my computer by my bedroom window.

I thought this was just a casual thing, but a few weeks ago when it got dark out, she walked right up to the window in nothing but her jeans. I could see everything. She yawned and stretched and I almost flipped out. She has done that about every second night since, at different times. Tonight she raised her arms and pressed herself against the window a little bit. I can hardly concentrate on my computer games when I know she may make an appearance. I never know when, but it’s always after dark and she has her light on and I can see her. What does she want?

— Hot For Her, Winnipeg

Dear Hot For Her: She wants to shock you — how’s she doing? Want to call her bluff? Paste a sign written in black marker on your window that says, “Want to go out for coffee?” I’m guessing she will snap the curtains shut, as the game will be over. Obviously, you’re not shocked you’re not playing silly games. That’s what she is doing, and she may even have boyfriend or husband living with her.

On the off chance, she is single, attracted to you and wants to take you up on the coffee date offer, think twice. Be very careful with her. Don’t rush to jump into bed with her. Teasing you at the window is a bit of a bully tactic — she has had all the power. You simply don’t know if she would want to swing the power back into her own hands, and how she would do it. Don’t give her anything to accuse you of, if anything sexual happens.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I read the letter from Strange Urges in Brandon (the writer who has the urge to bite people), I immediately thought the person might suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. I have a similar form of OCD that manifests in unwanted thoughts and feelings that I would never act on, although not about the same thing. It is not as well-known as other forms of OCD like cleanliness rituals and obsessive checking, but it can be pretty awful if not treated.

I have been fortunate to gain relief from my OCD by a combination of medication and behavioural therapy, particularly a group at Health Sciences Centre in Winnipeg. A book I have found helpful is Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz. Also, a very good online article is Rethinking the Unthinkable by Dr. Steven Phillipson at ocdonline.com.

Locally, the Anxiety Disorders Association of Manitoba has some information on their website. Maybe they have information about resources in Brandon. Strange Urges should definitely look into it because help is available.

— Been There, Winnipeg

Dear Been There: Thanks for caring and sending in your suggestions for help. It is doubly valuable when it is the voice of experience on a subject. I have passed your advice on so chances are he’ll get one or both messages and act on them, or not. You never know if a person wants to admit they are having embarrassing problems to anyone, even if it’s the best way to get help

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography